DUI Charge for Driving Under Influence of Caffeine

Combine authoritarianism with extreme kookiness and nobody is safe. That’s why drivers might want to steer clear of California:

After being pulled over on 5 August 2015, [Joseph] Schwab was charged by the Solano County district attorney with misdemeanor driving under the influence of a drug.

Almost 18 months later, Schwab is preparing to go to trial. The only evidence the DA has provided of his intoxication is a blood test showing the presence of caffeine.

Schwab was driving home from work when he was pulled over by an agent from the California department of alcoholic beverage control, who was driving an unmarked vehicle. The agent said Schwab had cut her off and was driving erratically.

Unknowingly cutting off an agent of Big Government may be the actual crime here.

The 36-year-old union glazier was given a breathalyzer test which showed a 0.00% blood alcohol level, his attorney said. He was booked into county jail and had his blood drawn, but the resulting toxicology report came back negative for benzodiazepines, cocaine, opiates, THC, carisoprodol (a muscle relaxant), methamphetamine/MDMA, oxycodone, and zolpidem.

On a second screening of the blood sample, the only positive result was for caffeine — but hey, caffeine is a drug.

If the objective is for everyone to be a law-breaker, so that anyone can be punished at the discretion of the authorities, California is close to achieving it.

On a tip from Sean C.