How Pandering to Indigenous Moonbats Could Save the World From Property Rights

In terms of raising the standard of living for the entire human race, arguably the two best things that ever happened are British and American civilization. Moonbats hate both of them. Writing for the Guardian, the British liberal establishment’s flagship publication, a moonbat calling himself Julian Brave NoiseCat blames Britain and America for advancing the concept of private property. Without this concept, a functioning, modern civilization would not be possible. So moonbats hate it too.

Marx, Lenin and Mao no longer offer a scythe sharp enough to fell the stalks of capitalism.

Another, more cutting-edge possibility is to heed the diverse indigenous voices displaced and drowned out by imperialism. From Standing Rock to Queensland, colonized and indigenous people are demanding new relationships to water that sustains the life and land which provides for the people.

This approach entails returning lands and resources to indigenous control and rethinking our relationship to the environment by recognizing and protecting indigenous values and the rights of nature through the law.

That way, we can go back to living like savages. When human existence is once again nasty, brutish, and short, liberal utopia will have been achieved at last. To the author’s delight, we are on the way:

One promising precedent on this path to a post-imperial future has emerged in Aotearoa/New Zealand, where the Whanganui Maori iwi just won a 140-year legal battle to recognize that their ancestral Whanganui river has legal rights equal to a human being.

The Whanganui settlement, which was signed by the Whanganui iwi in 2014 and enacted into law by New Zealand parliament last week, established two guardians to act on behalf of the river, one from the crown and one from the iwi. In addition to legal recognition of the personhood of the Whanganui river, the settlement provided financial redress to the iwi of NZ$80m, and an additional NZ$1m contribution to establish the legal framework for the river.

Less than a week after the legislation went into effect, India’s Uttarakhand high court cited the Whanganui decision when it ruled that the Ganges and Yamuna rivers have the legal status of a person.

Civilization can never be taken for granted. Despite the countless blessings it bestows on us, the ideologically deranged aspire to destroy it. One day we may again regard rivers as people and acquire brides by dragging them off to a cave by the hair.

On a tip from Brian H.