The 10 Ugliest Cars of All Times

The following list was carefully curated by summer intern Biff Spackle, who says “it is definitive and may not be questioned”.

Geo Tracker

The reliability of a Ford Pinto combined with the styling beauty of a Jeep’s miscarriage. The Tracker was guaranteed to last well over 20,000 miles of wear-and-tear, at least according to the salesguy.

AMC Pacer

Its designers were apparently envisioning a rolling aquarium, which explains its massive glass posterior. Had it not appeared in Wayne’s World, most Americans would have never seen one, except decades ago on the side of the road.

Subaru Tribeca

Shockingly, naming an SUV after a plot of land in Manhattan turned out not to be one of the best business decisions ever. Its grille looked exactly like Lena Dunham’s posterior after a waffle iron had been applied for 10 minutes.

AMC Gremlin

More Troll than Gremlin, this two-door station wagon had all the curb appeal of roadkill. Its delightful failure in the market played a central role in the death of its maker, AMC.

2000 Subaru Impreza

The automotive equivalent of a lime green tuxedo, the Unimpreza was — perhaps — the biggest buzzkill for females in the history of cars. That is, if an Impreza really was a car.

2012 Jeep Cherokee

The 2012 Cherokee’s grille boldly told observers to “look at me! I’m Elizabeth Warren, only with less noticeable age spots!”

AMC Matador

The Matador was apparently designed to fulfill the need of buyers seeking a family-sized Chevy Vega. Combining the reliability of a Soviet Volga with the styling of a half-finished Dodge Challenger, the Matador had it all. If by “all” you mean “all the tools to destroy an auto maker”.

Pontiac Aztek

Its costarring role in Breaking Bad saved it from permanent ignominy. This unique SUV-Crossover-Station Wagon looks like Darth Vader’s stroller.

Nissan Cube

If someone tried to place a Cube in a sci-fi move, they’d get laughed off the set. It was a sixties view of a 2000 commuter car if said sixties commentator was Timothy Leary.

Pontiac Trans Sport

You didn’t see many of these on the roadways for two reasons: (a) it was at least as hideous as Rosie O’Donnell without makeup; and (b) it had all of the reliability of a mechanical watch made in Beirut.

Honorable Mention: The Ford Pinto

Only about 125 people died after their vehicles blew up in collisions due to a faulty gas-tank design. So, overall, your odds were pretty good at survival. Though your odds of surviving the embarrassment of driving one weren’t nearly as high.