A Seer Foretells America’s Future (Satire)

By Lee Duigon  /  News With Views

By now many of you have seen Elizabeth Warren’s beer-drinking video.  I was not impressed, ‘cause I know somebody who drinks a lot more beer than that. And after a couple of six-packs, he is able to foretell the future—by peering into a jar of Miracle Whip.

And this is what he saw.

In 2019, House Democrats pass articles of impeachment against both President Trump and Vice President Pence, for the high crime of Climate Change Denial. Shockingly, Senate Republicans join with Democrats in ousting both from office. “I see a lot of money changing hands,” reports the seer.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi, after being sworn in as president, selects Hillary Clinton as her vice president and then resigns, making Hillary president. “She was the rightful president, anyway,” says Pelosi. She then retires to become a lobbyist, and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is elected Speaker of the House. She quickly rallies the House to repeal the Trump tax cuts and set a new tax rate of 70 percent. The Senate complies. More money changes hands.

Mrs. Clinton’s first act as president is to appoint former Attorney General Loretta Lynch to the Supreme Court, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg having retired. Two weeks later, a mysterious fatal illness carries off Justice Clarence Thomas. Mrs. Clinton appoints her husband, former President Bill Clinton, to replace him.

The following week, Justice Sam Alito is struck down by an unidentified hit-and-run driver. Mrs. Clinton appoints her daughter, Chelsea, to replace him.

Ten days later, Justice Brett Kavanagh becomes a missing person. He is replaced by America’s first transgender Supreme Court justice.

The next day, Justice Neil Gorsuch falls out of an airplane to his death. Mrs. Clinton appoints former Clinton bagman Eric Holder. Hours later, Chief Justice Roberts announces that he has “evolved” into a Democratic Socialist. It doesn’t save him. Walking his dog that night, he is killed by a dried-out Christmas tree falling from a 15th-story window.

Citing health reasons, and a need to return to active management of the Clinton Foundation, Hillary Clinton declines to run for re-election. Democrats nominate Elizabeth Warren (“Call us the Beer Party!” she exults), with Beto Whatsisname as her running mate. With a voter turnout of 140 percent nationwide, Democrats narrowly win the election.

Following the advice of Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer—“If those slobs out there won’t vote Democrat, we’ll bring in people who will”—Congress awards amnesty and voting rights to 6.2 million undocumented immigrants.

Congress then passes the Freedom of Worship Act, which allows all Americans to hold whatever religious beliefs appeal to them, as long as they don’t say or do anything about it.

Nationwide, the unemployment rate hits 44 percent. Speaker Ocasio-Cortez reassures the public: “Government will provide all basic necessities to everyone who is not a White Supremacist, a bigot, a hater, or a Climate Change denier.” She does not bother to define “basic necessities.”

At this point I interrupt the sage. “Can’t you see anything good?” I cry. He shakes his head. “The Miracle Whip don’t lie,” he says. “If these shadows remain unaltered by the present, they will be the future just like I seen it.”

“But what would you see if you used a jar of Mount Olive Dill Pickle Slices?” I ask.

He ponders the question.

“Pickles,” he replies.

As in “America is in a pickle.”

I have discussed these and other topics throughout the week on my blog, http://leeduigon.com/ . Before the future catches up to me, stop in for a visit. A single click will take you there.

© 2018 Lee Duigon – All Rights Reserved

E-Mail Lee Duigon: [email protected]

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