The Day the Kittens Shut Down American Everyman

by Scott Creighton

Yep. I have beat back the trolls, depression, blacklisting and poverty. Suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and held fast to my core beliefs and plodded along, day in, day out bringing as much insight as this old brain is capable of toting to you, for your consideration. For the good of mankind. For the good of my own sanity.. or what’s left of both.

Flame wars. Tin foil shortages. Google censorship. “Fake news” lists. Facebook censorship. Accusations of antisemitism. Twitter censorship. Accusations of being a Mossad agent. Threats. Squeals. Headaches and heartaches from flinging my heart against the wall with regularity and vigor.

Against all of that and more I took up arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, ended them.Or at least, outlasted them.

And nothing has shut me down, not even for a day…

until… this.

Behold, that which did the impossible and shut down American Everyman today…

They could be cognitive infiltrators. I’m not sure yet. But I think they are…

kittens.

Their stray Siamese mother was prego a couple months ago. Then she wasn’t and I was worried they had all perished until this morning when she showed up for her breakfast with these two in tow. Later I discovered why she brought them here. She left them for me. She’s prego again. Calling for the trap tomorrow.

Anyway, you know me. I couldn’t leave em out there. Two hawks live in the tree across the street.

So, I took the morning to capture them and package them up and took them to the Humane Society of Tampa to surrender them for adoption (no kill shelter) but, alas, Irma isn’t done screwing with me yet and there was no room in the inn.

So, I agreed to foster these two girls for a couple days, maybe a week, and my neighbor took pity on me and let me have this wonderful kennel for as long as it takes.

And here I am.

Dawn bath next.

Don’t have names for them yet.

Church likes em. They don’t think too much of him though.

All my cats seem unimpressed by them. Cricket wants to eat them so I have to keep them apart. Cannibal. It would be the female. It’s always the female that resorts to cannibalism first, isn’t it?

Anyway… thought you should know why I haven’t posted anything today. I did an interview with Tom Kielly and Joe C. last night. Will post a link to the archive as soon as I can.

Isn’t it funny how all those things conspired against this site and in the end the one thing that actually shut us down for a day… aside from the damn hurricane… was a couple homeless kittens?

They might be agent provocateurs. Only time will tell. But right now, they are adapting well to their environment and I’m taking a much needed break from cleaning runny kitten poop off of everything. They’re coping with this transition better than I am right now, that’s for sure. I’m too old for this shit.

Back at it tomorrow… unless this is just the first wave of refugee kittens being sent my way. Oh God. Weaponized undocumented cuteness. We’re doomed.

Kittens aren’t Muslim… are they?

I gotta get out more often.