Trump Wants to Shut Down Internet Over London’s Bucket of Doom

by Scott Creighton

While I was away trying to figure out how to cook turtle soup without a microwave, some dreaded “tuuurrrurrrurriist” decided to launch his big plan of attack on the gentle hobbits of the Shire, or better known now as London, the center of Big Banking’s Globalism movement.

I hear Bilbo is now a hedge fund manager who likes snorting cocaine off the buttocks of Elven hookers but… that’s just a rumor.

When I got back online early Friday just before TECO got around to hooking up my electricity again, I saw there had been a “tuuuurrurrist” bombing in a London subway and was told by the complicit media that 22 people were “injured” and most of those “injuries” were of a “flash burn” nature.

Ok. The strategy of tension game goes on without me, I thought to myself as I searched for another extension cord long enough to reach the microwave and the turtle waiting patiently inside it.

Yesterday I posted a few things, sent some emails, figured out mom’s car is more of a piece of crap than I thought it was the day before and generally wasted the day setting the turtle free and standing in front of the A/C dancing a little jig.

This morning I read President Fake Populist’s Tweets on the subject that he unleashed right after the “bombing”

As usual, the Duke of Orange was his normal, reserved, mature, presidential self.

What I found was this:

Yeah. That’s a bucket in a plastic bag which is kinda on fire… a little.

Here they are investigating.. the bucket.

Here’s a video showing folks just walking up to the burning bucket of doom casually and recording it with their cell phones before being rushed off by authorities who immediately recognized the significance of the important, earth shattering event.

The video goes on to show they stopped the subway in the middle of the track outside the station and evacuated everyone making them risk injury walking on the tracks back to the station. Then the “hut hut” guys with the big guns got to bravely walk up to said train with said bucket and point their guns at it for a while before it was moved BACK into the station, bucket still on fire, where casual passers-by were able to film it with their cell phones (HELD THE WRONG DAMN WAY)

UK Prime Minister Theressa May has taken some time off from her job trying to stop BREXIT to issue some dire warnings about... the bucket bomb.

Britain raised its national security threat level to critical from severe on Friday, meaning an attack is expected, after a bomb on a London commuter train injured 29 people.

Prime Minister Theresa May said in a televised statement that armed police and members of the military would be seen on the streets in the coming days.

“For this period, military personnel will replace police officers on guard duties at certain protected sites that are not accessible to the public,” she said.

British police are chasing down the people they suspect of being behind the bomb, the country’s most senior counter-terrorism officer said.

Not since Umar Fizzlepants has a nation over-reacted to a ridiculous staged little Gladio op.

The burning bucket may go down in history as having more of a lasting effect on our lives than the Burning Bush did. Or Burning Man for that matter.

Apparently all you have to do these days to get millions in increased military and police spending and the opportunity to put your troops on the ground in your country to terrify your population is… put a couple stupid yellow wires on ANYTHING… and then set it on fire. And that’s it. Do that and instantly you got “ISIS™”, tuuuurruuruusim, existentialist threats to our precious way of life, tons of money pumped into whatever coffers you want and… a police state ready, willing and able to knock down and step over any old lady that gets in it’s way.

You get all that AND you get to “cut off” the dreaded interwebs and “proactively” do “nasty” things to people.

All for a bucket in a smoldering bag with some useless wires sticking out the side… THAT ARE OBVIOUSLY ATTACHED TO NOTHING AND JUST THERE FOR SHOW.

Oh. Wires. It MUST be a BOMB.

You know, I went over to the pond after writing what I wrote above and I asked the turtle if I could move in with him. Seems a much safer place. Quiet. Cool. Peaceful.

Turtle said he was evacuating. They found a wire in the muck and all of his turtle friends were afraid it was put there by a tuuurrruurist turtle… so he had to leave.

He looked at me… I looked at him. We sighed and went our separate ways.

The Shire is gone, Mordor rules and a darkness has descended over the whole of Middle Earth. Even the turtles wont be spared… after I spared em.

But still… its good to be back in the fight.

Gotta go stand in front of the A/C for a while.