Empress Hillary, 2016

Sooner than you can say “Obama who?” Hillary will ascend to her rightful position of World Empress. The optics will dazzle us. Adorned in a floor length cape made from the dead cats of Bill’s mistresses, she will bless us all from her 20-foot- platinum throne, gifted by our dear friends in Saudi Arabia.

True, she’ll be a bit long in the tooth, but a federal edict, upheld by the Supreme Court, will force us all to wear Google Glass. Hillary’s face, devised by Hollywood courtiers, will appear as a clever blend of her own features, circa 1983, and Scarlett Johansson’s. A subtle halo will hover at all times.

Do you find this vision objectionable? Fear not, for Empress Hillary will care for us with the tender ministrations she lavished on the abandoned, slaughtered Americans in Benghazi.

And should you find yourself raped and dragged through the streets by screaming Muslim mobs, be assured that Hillary will comfort your survivors by jailing an unknown filmmaker.

If that was good enough for an American ambassador, surely that should be good enough for you.

Now what Royal Personage do you picture reigning by her side? His Supreme Excellency Bill, chuckling amiably and feeling up the maids?

That’s been the plan all along, but we may be thinking too conventionally. Give the Clintons their due as fearless improvisers, able to maneuver and respond to the times.

Maybe we should prepare for a glamorous Muslima Royal Regent. Think “The Consort Wears Prada.” Yes, Huma Abedin Weiner, a.k.a. Mrs. Carlos Danger, may deign to co-rule us yet.