Dana Dusbiber Is Shaking The Spear of Ignorance

Streiff gives us an intelligent and well-reasoned post which explains why Dana Dusbiber is perhaps the worst English Teacher ever to step in front of an American classroom. He tells us how she feels offended that instruction in the English Language and Literature involves having to teach board teenagers about dead white people like William Shakespeare.* Since our country no longer apparently gives a rat’s rear end whether our children have a future or not, I figured I’d just be helpful here and add a few more pompous DWEMs to the lovely and talented Dana Dusbiber’s little list.

Math, you see, can be hard and tedious. It’s the dirty, rotten Crackerman that caused all the problems. Get rid of Gauss, and nobody can write about evil Bell Curves. Liebnitz and Newton propagated a form of cultural imperialism known as Differential Calculus. And anything that gets called a Markov Chain needs to be preceded with a trigger warning before it ever goes on the syllabus at Columbia University.

Fred Reed gives us more examples of how badly White People poop the party and make us all get lots of crazy homework.

Euclidean geometry. Parabolic geometry. Hyperbolic geometry. Projective geometry. Differential geometry. Algebra. Limits, continuity, differentiation, integration. Physical chemistry. Organic chemistry. Biochemistry. Classical mechanics. The indeterminacy principle. The wave equation. The Parthenon. The Anabasis. Air conditioning. Number theory. Romanesque architecture. Gothic architecture. Information theory. Entropy. Enthalpy. Every symphony ever written. Pierre Auguste Renoir. The twelve-tone scale. The mathematics behind it, twelfth root of two and all that. S-p hybrid bonding orbitals. The Bohr-Sommerfeld atom. The purine-pyrimidine structure of the DNA ladder. Single-sideband radio. All other radio. Dentistry. The internal-combustion engine. Turbojets. Turbofans. Doppler beam-sharpening. Penicillin. Airplanes. Surgery. The mammogram. The Pill. The condom. The penis. Polio vaccine. The integrated circuit. The computer. Football. Computational fluid dynamics. Tensors. The Constitution. Euripides, Sophocles, Aristophanes, Aeschylus, Homer, Hesiod. Glass. Rubber. Nylon. Roads. Buildings. Elvis. Acetylcholinesterase inhibitors. (OK, that’s nerve gas, and maybe we didn’t really need it.) Silicone. The automobile. Really weird stuff, like clathrates, Buckyballs, and rotaxanes. The Bible. Bug spray. Diffie-Hellman, public-key cryptography, and RSA. Et cetera.

I can’t imagine Dana Dusbiber ever bothered her pretty little head with any of that crazy stuff! Bless her heart. It’s easier if everybody just remains stupid. When my poor, little boy spent last week at Huntsville Youth Orchestra Music Camp** this week, here’s the nasty, dead Caucasoid stuff they crammed into his head….After playing off a few selections from The Firebird Suite last Saturday afternoon he and his orchestra mates were neither proud nor exhausted.

Yep. That, right there, was the sound Europhallocentric*** Oppression. I’ll bet you ten dollars Igor Stravinsky was a sick enough puppy to manspread! Composing is dominating. Conducting is mansplaining. Firebird is no different than Freeee-burd!! Children should not be bothered with this stuff. Ignorance is strength.

Kids should just eat junk food and play X-Box. Oh wait, that requires electricity. Thomas Edison, you guessed it, was a member of the Evil White Domineering Class. He oppresses us from the grave like the bad guys in Plants vs. Zombies. We can’t teach this man’s theorems or video game designers may use them to create relative surplus value or something.

I guess I’ll just have to agree with Streiff on this one. My kids really wouldn’t have much of a summer without the cold, dead hand of white epistemology tyrannizing everything it could wrap its mind around. For that matter, they; like Mrs. Dusbiber’s students, really wouldn’t have that much of a life.

*-Like the very ones who invented and codified the subject matter she currently teaches for a living.
**-Obviously not my son’s orchestra ensemble.
***-Nobody without a degree in Womyn’s Studies can legally play this word in a Scrabble game.

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