Why You Must Watch Republican "Debate" Drunker Than Cooter Brown--The Official GOP Debate Drinking Game Rules [Picture]

By Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone

05 August 15

Drive responsibly, ‘Murica

n Thursday, August 6th, in Cleveland, Fox is hosting the first of many debates between candidates for the Republican Party presidential nomination.

Actually there will be two debates. One is for the top 10 poll performers, a list that has now been confirmed to include frontrunner and King of All Media Donald Trump, along with Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie and John Kasich.

The second tier of seven candidates – what Trump would call “losers” – now includes Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki and Jim Gilmore. They will be debating at a kiddie table separately from the other candidates, and will reportedly be euthanized by a veterinarian after the event.

Listed below are rules for the GOP debate drinking game. Please do not drink yourself or anyone else to death. The game can be played without Jagermeister, but it’s not recommended. I will be live-Tweeting during the event.

Drink THE FIRST TIME:

1. Donald Trump mentions his wealth, or how smart he is.

2. A candidate mentions Benghazi

3. A candidate says, “This president…”

4. A candidate whines about not getting called on enough.

5. Someone promises to “take America back.”

6. Trump interrupts someone by saying, “Excuse me, let me answer that…”

7. Anyone mentions Hitler, Nazis or Neville Chamberlain. Includes related imagery, e.g. “ovens.”

8. The crowd cheers a racist/bigoted statement by a candidate.

9. A candidate mentions his poor/hardscrabble upbringing, or a parent who “worked every day of his life.”

10. A candidate talks about “stopping Hillary Clinton.”

11. Anyone warns the U.S. is becoming Greece.

12. Trump refers to himself in the third person.

13. Anyone invokes St. Ronald Reagan.

Drink EVERY time a candidate:

14. Claims a positive relationship with a minority. Also known as the, “Some of my best friends are…” rule.

15. Tries to speak Spanish

16. Tries to warm up to the Ohio crowd with an awkward LeBron shout-out.

Drink EVERY TIME you hear the word(s):

17. “I’m not a scientist.”

18. “You can keep your doctor.”

19. “ACORN.”

20. “The war on Christians.”

21. “Thug.”

22. “Right here in Ohio.”

23. “Culture of dependency.”

TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AT ANY MENTION OF:

24. “Kenya.”

25. “All Lives Matter.”