Tragedy Explained: Donald Trump Claims Responsibility for Bernie Sanders

After a terrible incident occurs, we wait to find out what group will claim responsibility. Recently, Bernie Sanders has been surging in the polls, turning the Democrat primary into something less than a coronation of a queen, and Americans have wondered who was at fault. But now the mystery is solved as responsibility has been claimed. This time, by Donald J. Trump.

Trump is responsible for many things, by his accounting. He is responsible for Scott Walker and Rick Perry and Bobby Jindal withdrawing from the race. He is responsible for the release of prisoners from Iran, despite having never even mentioned Jason Rezaian, and he is responsible for the recent uptick in Iced Protesters, which is a phrase I made up but should definitely be a thing.

Though he has not yet claimed responsibility, I have zero doubt that he is also the driving force behind the stick figure meme on Facebook. I don’t know how, but somehow he created that monster.

Barack Obama, too, is known for taking credit. Especially by placing himself in front of historic events to take possession of them. But also because his election was when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.

Hey, maybe Trump is Presidential after all? You know, at least by recent standards.

Oh I forgot one more thing, he’s responsible for thousands of racist internet trolls becoming deluded that their ideas are widespread and mainstream. Great job!

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