Fat Guy Squashes Rumors He's Being Held Hostage in Donald Trumps Basement

After being ordered to get his ass back on the plane after introducing Donald Trump at a campaign event, this is the moment Chris Christie’s political career strapped on cement shoes and drowned itself in the river:

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie on Thursday addressed those who mocked his stone-faced expression during a press conference on Super Tuesday.
“No, I wasn’t being held hostage,” Christie said at a press conference in New Jersey.”

We’re going to file that clarification right along with Yeb Bush’s campaign having to explain that Yeb tweeting a picture of a gun with his name on it was not  a desperate cry for help, though it’s easy to see how so many could assume, jokingly (or maybe seriously!). Humiliating. Embarrassing. And even sadder still.

Earlier this week, the New Hampshire Union Leader, which had endorsed Christie when he was still running for president, published an editorial saying boy, that sure was a mistake, and it regrets the error. Then everyone in New Jersey, including all of its liberal commie rag newspapers, demanded Christie resign to spend more time stuffing his face with nachos and vitamins. So Christie, who is still allegedly the governor of the state, held a press conference to further disgrace himself.

We don’t know if we should take Christie at his word, though. Denying that he is Trump’s hostage is exactly what Trump would force him to say if he were Trump’s hostage, isn’t it?

Gov. Christie, if Trump is still keeping you gagged and bound in his classy basement, only allowing you into the light to appear on TV and say nice things about Trump, next time, blink twice and use the safe word. How about “salad”? If you say “salad,” we’ll definitely get the message.

[TPM]