Katrina Pierson: If the Armrest Doesn’t Don’t Fit You Must Acquit

To the best of my knowledge and belief no one has ever accused Trump spokesgoblin, Katrina Pierson, of being burdened by a intelligence. Any spokesman may be called upon to say dumb stuff but there is no requirement that you have to believe what you are saying. Pierson takes the say-anything philosophy to stratospheric heights indicating that she may quite possibly be the dumbest spokesperson to appear on the national stage since, perhaps, Scott McClellan. Unlike McClellan, whose ineptitude made you feel sorry for him, Pierson is, to use the technical term, a “laff riot.”

Last night she was on Don Lemon’s show on CNN and she elected to defend Donald Trump from charges that he had sexually mauled 5 or 7 or 12 or 23 or however many women in his testoterone-driven, totally cuck-free quest to grab women by the p***y. Pierson says at least one of the assaults never happened and gives empirical evidence to support her claim. Watch carefully as even Cory Lewandowski tries to keep from laughing in her face.

PIERSON: [unintelligible] your question more thoroughly. We’re talking about the early 1980s, Don, seriously, back then you had planes, what, a DC-9, DC-10, a MD-80, a 707, and maybe an L-1011. But she said specifically this was to New York. This is important, so we can X out the L-1011 and the DC-10. Guess what, first class seats have fixed arm rests. So what I can tell you about her story is that if she was groped on a plane it wasn’t by Donald Trump and it wasn’t in first class.

[Flaming douchenozzle PETER] BEINART: That’s one down, six to go.

LEMON: We’ll get our aviation experts here to talk about the airplanes…

PIERSON: How did that happen. Explain how that happened. There are six seats on first class. If it happened it wasn’t by Donald Trump and it wasn’t in first class…

LEMON: There are more than six people in first class…

PIERSON: …and Donald Trump had his own plne in the 80s.

LEWANDOWSKI: He had six (this certainly explains his serial bankruptcies.)

LEMON: Six? I thought you said sixty. Look, we don’t know what kind of plane they were on. We don’t know what the seats were like. So I’m not going to argue about that.

PIERSON: I gave you the options.

LEMON: It’s not all the options, okay?

PIERSON: Donald Trump had his own plane…

LEMON: Katrina, I’m not going to going to argue about an airplane now. Let’s talk about the women…

[Clinton surrogate HILARY] ROSEN: [unintelligible}

PIERSON: What about her story? It’s false.

ROSEN: What do these women have to gain by coming out?

PIERSON: Fame.

LEMON: Here’s what she said why she finally…

ROSEN: Fame? Did that woman look like she’s looking for fame? I don’t think so.

BEINART: She told people at the time.

I will be the first to say that it is very hard to defend yourself against thirty year old allegations. In fact, it is impossible. Having said that, if Trump had even a modicum of manly character this one story would look suspicious appearing at this time. But we aren’t talking one. As Beinart said, okay, what about the other six?

More to the point, Pierson isn’t carrying out a defense. She is demanding that people lock their ability to reason away. This is bull***t on so many levels. If you are going to invent an excuse like this, do some research. Aviation buffs have pointed out that she is wrong about the types of aircraft flying domestic routes out of New York. They have pointed out that there was no universal configuration for armrests. This, for instance, is the first class layout of a Delta DC-9. There are more than six people in first class.

Her story is like the old joke about the lawyer defending himself against charges that his dog had bitten someone: My dog wasn’t near you, my dog is a very gentle dog, if my dog did bite you its because you provoked it, and besides, I don’t own a dog.

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