Not Today, Internet: New Zealand Is Apparently A Continent Now

This is the latest installment of our regular feature, “Not Today, Internet,” in which we take a look at the stories that we really don’t want to. For previous installments, click here. If you have a tip for “Not Today, Internet,” you can email me at [email protected].

Science is peddling a new crackpot theory now – New Zealand is actually a continent. Well, New Zealand is a part of a mostly underwater continent. Scientists are dubbing it “Zealandia,” further proof that both science and creativity are dying.

We’re taught in elementary school that there are seven continents on Earth — Africa, Antarctica, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America and South America.

But geography textbooks across the world might have to add one more to that list — Zealandia.

Zealandia is a continent that is 94 percent submerged underwater, which is why it took so long for geologists to identify it. The 6 percent that is above water comprises what many know as New Zealand and New Caledonia, according to a study in GSA Today, the journal of the Geological Society of America.

Do you mean to tell me that Pluto is no longer a planet, but New Zealand gets to be its own continent? This is a load of crap, science. You haven’t atoned for the injustice done to Pluto, yet you are willing to further screw with grade school textbooks by declaring something that is 94 percent underwater to be a continent?

You should be ashamed of yourselves. At least have the courage to also tell us that there would be way more of Zealandia visible if it weren’t for global warming. At least your bull@$#% would be consistent.

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