Inside The Mind Of Hillary Clinton

10:45 AM

Wake-up. Come on get out of bed.

*COUGH* 

Come on, twirl those legs around and put them on the floor 

*COUGH—COUGH*

Okay, let’s look in the mirror and do our affirmations:

 Damned mirror is frigging DIRTY!  How am I supposed to do my affirmations looking into smudges and filth?

“Consuelo! CON-SUUUU-ELO!  I told you to CLEAN my mirrors, not wipe your butt all over them. Consuelo! Did you hear me?”

Damned woman. Okay, focus. Say the words… just think the words.

“It doesn’t matter that you lost the electoral college, you won the popular vote.

It doesn’t matter that you lost the electoral college, you won the popular vote.”

Now breathe….

*COUGH*

“Consuelo!”

*COUGH*

“Come here when I call you. Get the impeached ex-president on the phone, and tell him to get his ass in gear… we have an appearance at the Woman’s Empowerment College at 2pm.  Okay go—— MOOOVE! Chop-chop girl!”

12:15 PM

Brown, blue, paisley? Which pants suit?

1:15 PM

“Yes I know we are going to be late, Consuelo. Tell George HW Bush’s golf pal to get in the frigging car.”

I’m running the frigging show now. I’m running the whole frigging show. It’s MY world. Not Bill’s, not Podesta’s, certainly not Trump’s. Hillary, my dear amazing survivor, you never quit…

*COUGH*

You WILL be the president in just a short while.

*COUGH*

The people will realize the dumbass mistake they’ve made very, VERY soon. All we need to do is keep resisting that orange nightmare. 

2:00 PM

Just relax and enjoy the ride… the ride to your people… the people who need you…

Hell, I’m glad Bill’s not here. He had to go out for cigars.. HAH! You’ll see my dear husband.. those  women are my minions now.  I’m the one that’s supposed to be president. We had an agreement with all the donors. You blew the meeting on the tarmac… It was all a done deal, remember, BILL? 

Calm… calm.. you’re important… you’re regal… 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FOR GOD’S SAKE I WANTED BIG FIREWORKS!!” 

*COUGH-COUGH-COUGH*

“What’s that Mrs. Clinton?”

“Nothing, Consuelo, it’s nothing. HEY CAN’T YOU DRIVE ANY FASTER? WHAT THE HELL AM I PAYING YOU FOR?”

The post Inside The Mind Of Hillary Clinton appeared first on RedState.