How to Defend George Takei Against Groping Allegations

Et tu, Sulu? Buzzfeed reports that a man is accusing George Takei of groping him while he was passed out:

He doesn’t know how much time passed, but the next thing he remembers is waking up, his pants down around his ankles, and Takei on top of him pushing his hand down his underwear, Brunton said.

“He’s on top of me, trying with his hand down my underwear [to] pull my underwear down,” said Brunton.

Brunton said he then pushed Takei off and asked what he was doing. He said Takei told him he was trying to make him comfortable.

There’s corroboration in the form of witnesses who have heard the victim tell the story over the years:

Five of Brunton’s friends independently told BuzzFeed News that they have heard Brunton tell the story at various times over the years.

I have no love for Takei, who is a smarmy perpetrator of lazy leftist memes on Facebook and Twitter. But as a public service to soulless Sulu fans, I’ve been consulting the Defense of Roy Moore Playbook, and I have the following suggested defenses for those who want to argue that this probably never happened. Let’s start with the more obvious and pedestrian defenses:

• 36 years ago

• He said he said

• It’s all hearsay

• I bet one of the witnesses is not a perfect human being

But we can get more creative than that, can’t we?

• A guy who can’t remember how many Purple Hearts he has says the witnesses were paid

• Maybe one of the witnesses was a sign language interpreter for Shatner

• Never uncovered by the Nimoy oppo research team and it’s just coming out now?

• Whatabout James Doohan’s drinking problem?

Finally we have the David Horowitz-style defense:

• I think it’s all true but so what? George Takei says the things I like to hear, so I don’t care if he’s a sexual predator.

If I can take off the Snarkenator 2000 for a moment and get serious: that is the approach I expect most on the left to take.

[Snarkenator 2000 back on] Good thing our new Trumpy Republican party is better than that.

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