Sexy Putin Has His Own 2016 Calendar (Photos)

Vladimir Putin may come across as a total asshole to us in the West, but at home he has a cult following, consistently winning over 80% of voters in opinion polls. One of the latest examples of this is a new 2016 limited edition calendar that focuses purely on Putin.

Published by Russian newspaper Zvezdi I Soveti (Stars and Advice), the calendar, which contains some topless shots, has been flying off shelves for 78 roubles ($1). It’s so popular in fact that the 200,000 copies are nearly sold out, but thankfully CNN managed to secure the last copy at one Moscow newspaper kiosk.

Is it as good as it sounds? Yes, yes it is. 

January starts off pretty somber, which is in no way representative of the sexiness to come. 

“Christmas fills the hearts of millions of Russians with joy. This holiday harks back to the beginning of our spiritual traditions, to the ideals of love and mercy which have for centuries united the nation and helped us to hold out in times of tough challenges and difficulties.”

February features this bizarre shot of Putin seemingly trying to make conversation with a horse. 

“Russia has got infinite nature! It was given to us – yes, that’s the right word -by God!”

March features Putin the outdoorsman and womanizer. 

“I like all Russian women. I personally think Russian women are the most talented and the most beautiful.”

Time to burn off that winter weight in time for April.

“A love for sport is established in childhood, in a family. A love for sport is inconsistent with tobacco, with alcohol, and with drugs.”

May contains yet more patriotism. 

“Victory Day is our joint holiday because the Great Patriotic War was a battle for the future of humanity. Our fathers and grandfathers went through unbearable suffering, sacrifices and losses. They were fighting till the death. They showed us an example of nobility and true patriotism.”

June shows just how great he is with kids, ladies. 

“What should you live for? I think — for kids, for grandkids — it’s been always worth living for our motherland. And it’s worth it today and in the future to live for it and to create. What else?”

July marks the brief period in Russia that you can actually take your shirt off. 

“My enthusiasm for active sport, like for many others, came during youth. And it hasn’t changed over the years.”

August again touches on sport. We’re guessing they ran out of ideas. 

“As for fishing, I love it and always take what are unfortunately rare chances to sit with some fishing tackle.”

Better watch out, or Putin will steal your girl in September.

“The generosity of the soul of our people doesn’t run dry. Their kindness, tenderness, cordiality, the kindest noble human feelings and intentions don’t end.”

October features Putin in a cute sailor uniform. 

“No one will succeed in gaining military superiority over Russia. Our army is modern, effective and — as they now say — polite and formidable. We have enough will, force and courage to protect our freedom.”

November is mandatory cute animal month.

“Dogs and I have very warm feelings for one another.”

And to end the year, December is a pretty terrible photoshop. 

“Dear friends! The New Year is coming. It’s time to say the warmest words to your loved ones, to thank them for their understanding and reliability, their patience and care. Happy holiday!”

And just so we don’t burst into tears when 2017 comes, there’s a back page.

“I think a lifetime is not long enough to visit all corners of our country — even those most bright and authentic ones.”

The gauntlet has been thrown down, Obama. 

h/t CNN