Arrogance in Relationships: How to Deal With and Heal It

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

“Arrogance is founded in weakness and feeds on insecurity.”

Arrogance is marked by defensiveness, denial, entitlement, insecurity, and even violence. Arrogance is to “have or reveal an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.” Needless to say, such posturing poses problems in relationships, and to feeling equally important and valuable.

In order for arrogance to have a chance at being tamed, it needs to be recognized, even expressed, preferably without the violence. Only by expressing my arrogance can I learn how I am exaggerated, or flat out wrong, and thereby stand the chance to become more humble, which allows me to see reality more clearly.

But in my experience, much of humility comes by way of being humbled, as opposed to trying to be humble. When I can hear another’s point of view and be open to finding truth in it, I get to change my mind and heart for the better, which is more in accord with the truth, with reality. I may not find truth in it, but at least I have taken an honest look.

Yet to find truth in what another says, I have to be honest with myself. What can help me be honest, or humble, is if I engage with another person who also is willing to be both vulnerable and humble, even if they are also significantly confident or arrogant. So, our own ability to hear our partner, or friend, can inspire them to hear us. Therefore, before we get too bent out of shape at not being heard or regarded, we need to make sure we are doing our part to hear and value our partner. Are we treating them the way we want to be treated?

Humility requires as much emotional flexibility as it does intellectual plasticity. So, if we want truth to deepen in us individually, and between us, both of us would do well to exercisespiritual honesty, which is founded on intellectual and emotional honesty. If only temporarily, we have to let go of our defensiveness, emotional reactivity, and fear of vulnerability—or eventually see through it—which at its core can be a false fear that our dying entitled ego will literally kill us. It won’t. And, you can try this at home.

So, arrogance is not lethal unless it is held unwaveringly. In contrast, unrelenting arrogance is irresponsible and can be abusive. Since we are all defensive, entitled, and in denial about something, we all, to a degree, are arrogant. When our arrogance wavers and is open to self-reflection, correction, and heartfelt examination, we can call it responsible self-confidence. It’s heal-able. This means that I embody my arrogance not with “porous” confidence, with some measure of humility. If I don’t have enough humility already in-hand, I won’t have enough inner strength to recognize my shortcomings. This way, a greater capacity for joy, truth, and love will be lost on me.

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Previous articles by Jack Adam Weber:

• 11 Reasons Why Hippies (Not Psychos) Should Rule the World
• The Monsanto Years: Singer Neil Young Rips Into GMOs, Big Biz and Conformity
• ReVOLUTION: When Enough is Enough
• Sex – Truth and Dare, Pleasure and Purpose
• Relationships: The Costs of Staying When We Should Leave
• Emotional Work
• Yin Yang — Ancient Wisdom for Personal and Planetary Transformation
• Choosing a Partner – How to Avoid Relationship Suicide
• 11 Crucial Tips for Better Digestive Health
• Heartbreak – Loving Ourselves Through Difficult Times

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