The iPhone Doesn’t Get Bathroom Humor

Michael Harper for redOrbit.com – Your Universe Online

Let’s be honest. Our iPads and iPhones are capable of truly amazing things. They play our favorite songs, take pictures of our kids and loved ones and even keep some of us on time for our important appointments and meetings. For the rest of us, there is no help.

For all the amazing things our iPhones are capable of and the many tasks we give them, most of us wouldn’t dare think about venturing into the bathroom without our iPhones in our pockets or iPad tucked under our arm like the folded newspapers of yesteryear.

Come on, you know you do it, too.

In fact, today there’s proof that many of us participate in this restroom ritual, as third-party warranty company SquareTrade has released data suggesting that not only are we dependent on our iPhones when we skip to the loo, we’re also incredibly clumsy once we get there.

Of course, as a warranty provider, SquareTrade is in a unique position to squeeze off this sort of data. When customers send in their iPhones to SquareTrade for repair or replacement, the company then logs this data and creates fun little statistics with them. For instance, did you know Mississippi is the most dangerous state in the US for owning an iPad or iPhone in terms of damages? SquareTrade did.

Before you get too grossed out, this study isn’t completely about iPhones in the John. In fact, it appears as if SquareTrade is trying to jump on the political bandwagon here, painting their infographic in bright reds, whites and blues, pointing out, for instance, that Americans spend more on iPhone repair than any political candidate will spend on their election campaigns, somewhere to the tune of $6 billion. $6 billion also happens to be $200 million more than Americans spend on contraceptives each year, and $2.6 Billion more than we spend on toilet paper.

And thus, the bathroom connection.

This $6 billion sum is spent to replace iPhones which have been “cracked, dropped, pummeled, kicked, and water-damaged.”

Many of those water-damaged iPhones, says SquareTrade, happened to meet their maker in a watery grave. A watery grave named John.

According to the infographic, 30% of users say the iPhone fell out of their hand, while 18% claimed the phone was “immersed in liquid.” Another 13% claimed the iPhone simply “Fell out of my lap.”

These stats combined paint a pretty clear picture as to what’s happening to our iPhones in the bathroom, which raises the concern that perhaps something is going awry which shouldn’t be. Using the iPhone in the bathroom might be a little gross (please remember to wash your hands) but honestly, what else are we going to do, sit there like we’re stuck in the 80s?

Perhaps a routine should be set in place and practiced to the letter each and every time, wherein the phone is either placed a safe distance from the toilet on a counter or safely back into a pocket or purse before…ahem…wrapping things up.

Of course, it’s supremely embarrassing when an iPhone is dropped into a toilet or tossed from your lap when you stand. So how do these embarrassed toilet readers repair these phones? According to SquareTrade, 6% use tape to keep the pieces together, while another 11% just pretend the whole thing never happened and continue to use the phone, cracked screen and all.

While there’s nothing wrong with exercising caution when using the iPhone or iPad in a number of situations, it is important to remember that these statistics are nothing more than a marketing ploy by SquareTrade in order to make the world appear as one dangerous, slippery bathroom. This “study” also ensures that writers will cheekily write about the bathroom without explicitly writing about the bathroom. Therefore, your results may vary.

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