How to Deal with a Victim Mentality
Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller, “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)
As a psychiatrist I teach my patients the importance of learning how to deal effectively with draining people. In “Emotional Freedom”, I discuss one of these types which I call “The Victim Mentality.”
The victim grates on you with a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. People are always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand rescuing, and they will make you into their therapist. As a friend, you want to help, but you become overwhelmed by their endless tales of woe: A boyfriend stormed out…again; a mother doesn’t understand; a diva-boss was ungrateful. When you suggest how to put an end to the pity party, they’ll say, “Yes…but,” then launch into more unsolvable gripes. These vampires may be so clingy they stick to you like flypaper.
Take the AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A “VICTIM” Quiz
If you typically get drawn into fixing other people’s problems, chances are, you’ve attracted numerous victims into your life. To identify if you are in relationship with a victim mark Yes or No to the following characteristics:
Give each “Yes” response one point and count your score. If your score is three or more then you are probably in relationship with at victim. Interacting with this type of person can cause you to be irritated or drained and will make you want to avoid them.
Strategies to Deal with a Victim Mentality:
Set Limits with an Iron Hand and a Velvet Glove
I love what Mahatma Gandhi says: “A ‘No’ uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or, what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Kind but firm limit setting is healthy. People must take responsibility for their own lives. You’re not in the business of fixing anyone. Enabling always backfires. Without limits, a relationship isn’t on equal ground; and no one wins. You might well feel, “I’m sick and tired of your complaints.” But instead, using a more measured tone, here’s how to address some common situations.
Use these methods to deter victims
Whether you’re confronting a drainer or transforming your own negativity, being empathic is vital. Elevating you to the realm of the heart, empathy allows you to non-defensively understand, even have mercy on antagonizers. Also, you’ll better intuit the feelings behind someone’s words. If a friend complains that you’re being selfish, the deeper meaning could be, “I’m hurt because we’re not spending enough time together.” With empathy, you’re privy to hidden motives. Seeing people’s frailties with compassion doesn’t make you a door mat. Though you may not choose to subject yourself to them, you need not hold this suffering against them. Labeling someone “the enemy” is a spiritual wrong turn.
About Judith Orloff MD
Dr. Orloff, an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, has helped patients find emotional freedom for over 20 years. She passionately asserts that we have the power to transform negative emotions and achieve inner peace.
Read Dr. Orloff\’s Full Bio
Read Dr. Orloff\’s book, \”Emotional Freedom\”
2012-12-25 12:18:52
Source:
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Lion’s Mane Mushroom
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, But it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes:
Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity.
Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins.
Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system.
Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome.
Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function.
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules. Today Be 100% Satisfied Or Receive A Full Money Back Guarantee Order Yours Today By Following This Link.
“Whether you’re confronting a drainer or transforming your own negativity, being empathic is vital. ”
Actually shows you what a quack she is. People don’t visit a doctor for empathy, but because they are unwell and need help. If I wanted a shoulder to cry on I’d go visit a friend.
Pix – How does that statement show everyone she’s a quack? I dont see it. I have a general physician who is excellent with “empathic listening”. She schedules 1-hr appointments, not a 15-20 min, in and out appointment. This doctor realizes that some people do need the discussion during a doctors visit.
In anycase, this article is pretty good. I have had friends who suck the life emotionally from me, and have had to distance myself from them for a time, which ended up being hurtful to them because I didnt communicate to them what was going on. Communication is the key to any relationship, and that is where this article appears to be focused on.
Cheers!