Am I Really Responsible For Everything That Happens To Me?

Christian Stolle
We Are Change Germany
July 27th, 2013

The idea that ‘we are responsible for all the experiences that we attract’ seems to be quite popular in new age circles, but it is also a bone of contention. Many find it highly disrespectful to suggest that for example a rape victim or groups of people who die during a natural catastrophe or as a result of a war are responsible for what happened to them.

What does ‘responsible’ even mean precisely?

This is the definition from Merriam-Webster’s:

1
a : liable to be called on to answer
b (I) : liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent responsible for the job> (II) : being the cause or explanation responsible for the accident>
c : liable to legal review or in case of fault to penalties

2
a : able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations : trustworthy
b : able to choose for oneself between right and wrong

3
: marked by or involving responsibility or accountability <<i>responsible financial policies>

4
: politically answerable; especially : required to submit to the electorate if defeated by the legislature—used especially of the British cabinet

So, am I ‘responsible’ for all that is happening in my life?

1a: Yes. I answer or react to anything. When confronted with a situation, I always have to make a choice. I cannot not respond in one way or another, even if my answer or reaction may seem insignificant or even be a non-reaction.

I have the ability to act in any situation, even if acting merely means setting my intention, which is an act, because focused intention precedes manifestation and is thus part of the process of manifesting.

1b: No. We are all co-creators, our personal responsibility for a given event is thus varying. All things arise in dependence upon multiple causes and conditions.

1c: Yes. All that happens in my life is liable to review in the bigger picture.

2: Here responsibility is used synonymous with trustworthiness and ethical awareness or decency. Am I displaying these traits in my life? Well, I’m surely intending to.

3: Here responsibility means either accountability or prudence. Mixture of 1c and 2.

4: —

So responsibility is shared, obviously. Everyone who is self-aware and has creative power is generally responsible in one way or another.

Now what about the notion of ‘attracting’ experiences?

We all have the conscious or subconscious wish to express our true selves, and in order to do that it’s conducive to be in an environment and in situations where we can have the experiences that we desire. Thus we are inherently attracted to kindred situations, environments, and people.

Therefore, I think the Law of Attraction does exist, but it’s not the only force in the universe. In new age terminology, there are many forces and concepts that together explain appropriately a lot of what’s going on and why, I think. But picking one of them and claiming “that’s all there is” is of course short-sighted.

The following is from Messages for the Groundcrew. It’s an attempt to describe the essential forces on the current human plane of existence:

1. The Law of Attraction:
like attracts like

2. The Law of Deliberate Intent:
what is intended and held resolutely within thought, word and deed manifests

3. The Law of Allowance:
allowing what is intended to manifest while using the observer mode to be awake and aware while continuing to hold the focus without being rigid as to the outcome
(allowing thought to think!)

4. The Law of Balance:
applying the first 3 laws and focusing within the present moment

You can use the Law of Attraction, but when other self-aware beings focus their intention on keeping you from attracting something, then you’ll have a hard time. The laws may seem somewhat contradictory, but I think that actually they are complementing each other.

Most difficult to understand is perhaps the Law of Allowance. It’s not about being apathetic; please understand that there is an important distinction between indifference and allowance. You use the Law of Deliberate Intent to set things in motion, but you’ve got to acknowledge that the flow and the outcome of any endeavor cannot be comprehended in its entirety beforehand.

The Law of Allowance is applied by trusting that everything will fall into place as perfect as possible, if you simply keep the focus of your intent within your thoughts, words, and deeds. In the words of Goethe, “Once you wholeheartedly commit to a task, then providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that otherwise would never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from a decision, raising in one’s favor all kinds of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance in a way which no man could have ever dreamed of.”

Another universal law is the Law of Cause and Effect. Everything is logical, even if we may not be able to grasp the logic of a particular situation from our current point of view. If something happens to you, whatever it is, it doesn’t just happen by chance.

Some of your subconscious or conscious desires or attitudes may indeed attract negative experiences to you, which can actually help you become aware of your dark sides. On the other hand, there are cases where people have been guarded in miraculous ways from being harmed in negative or life-threatening situations, so maybe their state of being attracted protecting coincidences.

But sometimes you simply get into a negative situation, because you’re just a welcome victim for someone who has more personal power than you and is intent on abusing you. Our lack of power—whether individually or as a group—is of course a circumstance that can make us victims.

Karma is another important aspect to be considered. I understand that you may not believe in reincarnation, which is logical, if you haven’t had convincing experiences or seen sufficient evidence for its existence. In any case, please bear with me for this and don’t condemn what you don’t understand when I say that maybe your experiences in this life are part of your personal karma or of a group karma, meaning that you indeed experience the repercussions of your deeds in past lives or of the deeds of the group that you’re living in now.

Given all these possibilities—and there are surely much more—you’re obviously not solely responsible for everything that happens to you. But claiming responsibility and seeking to be more responsible in any given situation is the way to self-empowerment, to become less of a leaf in the wind that is being ruled by outside forces.

The more responsible you are, the more powerful you are, the freer you are, as it says in Becoming:

Responsibility and freedom are interchangeable terms.

Responsibility negates victim/abuser attitudes.

It’s about the attitude. If you’re focused on be(com)ing responsible, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never be a victim. But you never settle with staying a victim, your dynamics are directed at becoming more empowered, becoming able to make more of a crucial difference in any situation. That’s why it’s important for your soul growth to have and keep that attitude and focus.

Hence, keep one eye on the road; be aware that others with whatever intentions weigh in on what happens to you. And keep the other eye on your goal, your own self-empowerment that enables you to truly determine your path on your soul journey freely with the highest possible degree of responsibility.

And the most powerful force in my opinion, the best way to become more responsible, is to channel the energy of love and let it infuse all your thoughts, communications, and deeds. You could employ all kinds of artifices to temporarily maneuver yourself ahead of others in a way, but in the long run and in the bigger picture of your soul journey, only love will truly move you forward in becoming more powerful and responsible.

I think this is the hardest way to affect anything, the most subtle, but also the most profound. Whatever situation you are in, no matter how desperate it may be, the answer to the problem is always; let what you do be infused with even more love. And again, and again.

Thus you confront pain, ignorance, and hostility with love. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t defend yourself and others that are being abused with force if it comes down to that, and it also doesn’t mean that you should turn a blind eye to negative things in life. These are also misconceptions among some new agers.

It’s not that looking at negativity perpetuates it. Looking at something simply means being aware of it, which is a good thing! It only becomes negative, if based on our awareness of something we allow hateful or fearful thoughts, emotions, or habits to grow and become rooted within ourselves. So the challenge is to be able to look at chaos, pain, and abuse without letting it affect your inner peace and harmony.

Some claim that anger about an outrageous situation is natural and healthy. But I think more important than becoming angry over a particular situation is actually doing something to change the situation. For that you don’t need to be angry, but the initial anger can of course be a motivating force that—if processed appropriately—can help facilitate a creative solution.

Martin Luther King said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” But while you raise your voice and make an active move to be the change you want to see, do it with grace and don’t let anybody “pull you low enough to hate him.” Because “darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Stand up and defend yourself and others from abusive behaviors that should not be tolerated. But do it from a place of inner peace and love. Because as Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.” In another quote he said, it is “like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

I hope that this article inspires you to seek a greater understanding of topics that upset and divide people. Instead of hearing something that we disagree with and focusing our energy in a knee-jerk reaction solely on condemning a particular point of view, let’s focus on discerning an uplifting understanding that helps everybody—those that we think display a lack of understanding as well as those that are upset by a particular point of view.