KISS, College Football & the Federal Government: What Would the Vox Say?

Heard two guys at a local bar trading insults over the Rock Hall’s omission of KISS. It got personal, and the girl in the middle quickly tried to quash the dispute by reminding them that Gene Simmons has no interest in the honor anyway. That only heightened the argument, so I stepped in to settle it. Now my opinions aren’t necessarily definitive, but they are always diplomatic: I don’t care for KISS, and I’m hardly impressed by costumes and gimmicky stage shows. Lyrically, the band is barely on par with LA Guns and the music routinely took a backseat to the marketing. Even in the KISS heyday, virtually everything they did came off as a money grab. But the Hall of Fame is about influence, if nothing else, and KISS inspired a legion of imitators. If you were a teenage American male and you picked up a guitar in the 1970s, it was probably because of Simmons, Paul Stanley or Ace Frehley. Induct ‘em!

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Look, I don’t hate College Football. Sure, if NCAA Football is on an island with the NFL, MLB, NBA & NCAA hoops and I’m forced to cast one away…it’s a no-brainer, and I hope Brent Musberger can swim. But I don’t dislike the sport. It does, however, annoy the hell out of me for a number of reasons. First of all, quit stopping the clock after first downs. I already ignore my kids on Sunday, so I’m going to need a little more expediency from my Football Saturdays to maintain my Father of the Year candidacy. Second, quit the non-conference cream-puffs. If I’m 210% sure of the result before the game starts, I’m inclined not to watch. Third, the conference shuffling is ridiculous. I’m proud to have graduated from a Big Ten school but if you are going to keep adding universities (and mediocre ones, to boot), you may want to rename your conference. The Midwest 14, maybe? Fourth, lose the meaningless consolation Bowls and institute a playoff similar to Division II. I simply can’t stomach the politicking and emphasis on margin of victory. Oh, but Vox, every week is a playoff! That’s the beauty of college football!  Hope you’re towing that same line when the Buckeyes finish undefeated and third in the polls. 

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I’m still your favorite Republican that votes Democrat, so it’s no surprise that I’m disappointed in President Obama’s second term. He’s strategically weak, often indecisive and frighteningly hawkish, especially considering his opposition to the the Iraq War ten years ago. I’m against military action in Syria and the unconstitutional federal mandate for health care. But politics is also a bottom-line business, and these lunatic Tea Baggers can’t see the scoreboard. So let me give every unhinged conservative an easy game summary: You LOST the presidential election by five million votes! Then you LOST in the Supreme Court when one of your own upheld the law! Like Willy Wonka once famously raged, “YOU LOSE, GOOD DAY SIR!” The Affordable Care Act has been implemented, so keep your red-ass hands off our fizzy lifting drinks and get the hell out of my office! Of course, Tea Party blindness should be expected. They hate government, but they also don’t understand how it works.