(Before It's News)“We Die Young”
by GatekeeperTweet to Gatekeeper
The Blackhawks headed to Detoilet Sunday afternoon, while their football counterparts played the Detoilet team back at home. Considering the lineup that the Blackhawks iced, they might as well have been playing football. The only legit NHL players on the ice for this game in a Blackhawks uniform were Trevor van Riemsdyk and Richard Panik. That said, “NHL player” is debatable, in this particular case. Talk about getting the short end of the recap stick. At least the Blackhawks broke their scoreless streak in games I recapped, after 130 minutes.
The Blackhawks, more specifically Ivan Nalimov, started out as bad as you possibly can. Nalimov gave up two goals on the first two NHL shots he faced. He later gave up another soft goal before the first period was even eleven minutes old, which left most fans feeling particularly uninspired. Alex Fortin finally gave the Blackhawks faithful a little hope with about four minutes remaining in the opening period. The fact that the Blackhawks managed only four shots on net and scored on one is a miracle. Detoilet, on the other hand, scored on three of their 10 shots.
The Blackhawks actually gathered themselves together enough to pull within one goal in the second period, but it was all downhill from there. After Rasmussen made the game 3-2, the Wings followed up with two goals in five minutes. The deck was stacked against this iteration of the Wings, and this was just not the Blackhawks night. If the Wings could actually keep from pissing themselves, they could have really run away with game.
The Blackhawks actually showed enough marbles to make this a game, in the third period.
They had some help from noted sniper Brandon Manshitter, though. A couple of powerplays could have really made the game closer, but the Hawks just couldn't put anything together. Eventually, the Wings sealed the game with a pretty hilarious empty net goal. The fact that this game was ever close, with the Hawks getting out shot 31-14, is pretty comical.
- With about four minutes left in the first period, the Blackhawks finally showed some signs of life. Sam Carrick found Alexandre Fortin cutting straight up the ice, between the Detoilet defenders, and sent Fortin in on a breakaway. Fortin gave Petr Mrazek a little head fake, and deked Mrazek out of his tiny little walnut shell jock. All that was left for Fortin to do was to tuck the puck into the now open net, and he made no mistake.
- Midway through the second period, Dennis Rasmussen pulled the Blackhawks within one goal, after Petr Mrazek did his best Jonathan Quick impression, finding himself seriously out of position. All Rasmussen had to do was gather the puck and backhand it into a gaping net.
- This may seem like I'm fucking with you, but I'm 100% serious. Brandon Manshitter scored on a breakaway with a couple of minutes gone in the third period.
I know right? I cannot believe my own eyes, either. Shit, problem solved. Put that man next to Toews and Hossa for game 1. Clearly he's had us all fooled, and he's a god damn sniper.
- I have not been particularly impressed with the object of Derek's irrational obsession, and female impersonator, Ville Pokka. Pokka has made a play or two, but his feet have look very slow and he's gotten caught several times cheating towards the wrong end of the ice. Gustav Forsling had looks far more composed and talented.
- Late in the second period, Lars Johansson entered the game and immediately found the first shot he faced end up in the back of the net, giving the Wings a 4-2 lead. Even though the goal pinballed off his blocker, it was from a very tight angle and should have never ended up in the net.
- A few minutes later, the Blackhawks gave up the 5th of the game, on the PK. Johansson made a save on a long one timer and the rebound bounced around in the crease. Svedberg swung and missed the puck, leaving Anthony Mantha a chip shot off the post and in. Johansson was clearly visibly unhappy with Svedberg on the play.
- Hey, look at that! The Blackhawks beat a team in HITZ. That means they must have won the game, right? I mean, I've been told that those HITZ play a huge part in WINZ. Don't they?
- The Blackhawks had one guy with faceoff percentage over 50%, the other 3 were all below 40%. Jake Dowell won 27%.
The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
- Not even two minutes into the game and it was 2-0. KHLer Ivan Nalimov did himself absolutely no favors, especially if you saw the scowl on Joel Quenneville's face after the second goal. You could say his Blackhawks career is heading in the direction of a Yak service airliner. I'm not even going to break the goals down, because I've seen midget goalies play better than that. I feel bad for the guy, because he's got size and could really make a name for himself. I was hoping for more out of him.
- With about nine minutes left in the first period, the Blackhawks were down 0-3. Danny Dekeyser just blew a 40' slapshot past Nalimov that may or may not have be redirected. I had high hopes for this Russian kid, but holy dogshit, he was NOT ready for this.
- Just in case anyone cares (and you shouldn't) Chris Desousa followed up stellar preseason scraps by noted heavyweight sluggers Jordin Tutu and Ryan ScissorhandsMan, with a silly staged scrap of his own following the 5th Detoilet goal.
- The only thing worse that the matching save percentages of Nalimov and Johansson (.813), was Detoilet's number one goalie's save percentage (.786). This was our 7th and 3rd goalies on the depth chart, respective, Wings fans. Mrazek is your best.
- The line of Mashinter/Dowell/Desousa led the Hawks in Corsi. I give up.
- Every player on the Wings was basically at 55% Corsi for except Drew Miller.
McNeill – Rasmussen – Abbott
Fortin – Kero – Panik
Lundberg – Johnson – Carrick
Mashinter – Dowell – Desousa
Svedberg – Pokka
Norell – van Reimsdyk
Schilling – Gustafsson