5 cute animals that will kill you

The most dangerous animals in the world are animals that look cute, harmless, or funny. Most are harmless, but some are deadly killers and will kill you if you do the wrong thing. In many cases the wrong thing is just being too close to them.

So here’s five of these cute and cuddly killers. Some you might know of–others not. In any case, commit them to memory. Someday the information may save your life or the life of someone you care about.

A smiling little guy chock full of deadly toxins.

Slow Loris

Although it’s called slow, this fuzzy ball of joy can bring you to your knees faster than a saint that’s sinned. This cuddly-wuddly, big-eyed ball of fluff may look harmless, but it’s really one of the most poisonous mammals that exists anywhere.

If you see one stay clear. It releases a deadly nerve toxin from its elbows of all places. If it feels threatened–and who knows when it may feel that way except the Loris–the animal will suck up drops of the poison and swirl it in its mouth before spitting it at you. For God’s sakes don’t let it get into your eyes, nose or mouth!

The deadly poison is fast acting and causes such rapid anaphylactic shock you might not be around long enough for an ambulance to reach you.

Cute puppy, huh? Read on…

The Dingo

Looks like a cute pup, huh? Forget it. The dingo is a mean, viscous feral predator. It’s exceedingly dangerous and–worse–unpredictable.

Like the Siberian wolfhound, the dingo is inquisitive. It’s very smart and tends to travel in packs foraging for prey and chasing down its meals. And like the wolfhound the dingo is rather playful…in a terrifying sort of way.

If you feed one it might do a trick for you before ripping your damn throat out and calling in its buddies to join him for a fresh, hot dinner. 

Glowing red eyes…you can tell it’s waiting to kill you.

The Cassowary

Ever hear of this little fellow? Most people haven’t, especially those that come across this fiendish bird that looks like a gussied-up turkey.

The thing likes to wander around rain forests, but sometimes sloppy zookeepers let them roam around green areas. If you see one, keep walking. If disturbed the cassowary becomes very territorial. Where’s its territory? Any damn place it happens to be, that’s where.

Once you’ve trespassed into its domain it will mercilessly attack. Although flightless, the bird can run fast, leap through the air like an avian Superman, and claw, claw, claw.

The deadly cassawary’s claws rip through the board.

The cassowary has long, razor-like claws it uses to disembowel things–like unwary fools who think its some sort of fancy turkey.

At least several people a year are maimed or killed by this devilish bird.

For God’s sakes don’t touch that bill!

The Duck-Billed Platypus

When people first see this critter they often laugh. What a silly-looking thing! It looks like a beagle with a duck bill for a nose. How dangerous can they be?

Well, you know the answer, don’t you? The “silly-looking things” can kill you. If one does kill you, don’t worry…you won’t be the first.

You see, that thing that looks like a duck’s bill really isn’t. It’s only got that shape because it uses the appendage to scoop up food it finds buried in thick muck under water.

Oh, and by-the-way, that bill is also electrified. That’s right–the damn thing has electricity running through it. Scientists even have a name for it. They call it “electroreceptivity.” Other animals have it too, like some eels.

The duck-billed platypus has a very high level of electroreceptivity in its bill.

But that’s not all. It’s worse. A little shock can’t kill you but a massive does of poisonous venom will, won’t it? And that’s what the platypus will give you if you get too close to it.

You see, the goofy-looking things have spurs on their rear legs that act like poison barbs. They inject a strong dose of toxin into any animal they don’t like. They won’t like you if you get too close, even if you’re smiling.

Humans that have survived their attacks usually end up in hospital rooms for weeks–sometimes months–with agonizing muscle impairments.

It helps if you have a strong heart; you have a better chance of survival.

A cartoonish creature that can rip out your living guts.

The Giant Anteater

Not to be confused with a regular anteater. But a word of advice…after learning what this thing can do to you avoid any anteater. That’s it. Just avoid them. Period.

It’s not recommended to stand there by it trying to decide if the crazy thing is a giant one or not.

Yes, it has a long snout and a tongue that stretches out like a skinny snake. Don’t worry about that, the tongue’s only used to reach the ants and termites it loves to eat.

The animal looks funny in a goofy, cartoonish kind of way, doesn’t it? It probably really is harmless unless you’re an ant, right?

Hell no it’s not right!

Like the insane cassowary, the giant anteater has huge, mean claws to defend itself. It knows how to use them too, don’t think it doesn’t. Naturalists who have observed the giant anteater in the wild have seen them sharpening their claws on wet stones just to hone them to a fine edge like a mail-order Japanese Ginzu knife.

If you threaten a giant anteater, run. Run as fast as you possibly can and don’t stop running. Keep this in mind: the thing can run pretty fast too.

No matter what, don’t let it catch you because if it does it’ll knock you off your feet and disembowel you with one horrendous swipe of those Ginzu knife claws.

Ever see Freddie in Nightmare on Elm Street? Same thing.

Then the anteater will get all mellow and turn and just leave you lying there with your guts hanging out, dying.

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© Copyright AYM Communications, 2011.