How Many *** Does it Take To Change a Lightbulb?

Q: How many independent wives take it take to change a light bulb.

A: Only one however it will take her several hours  because while she has the 
ladder up she will have to wash glass cover in the light fitting and then dust the 
cupboard tops because they can be seen from there and if there is time also paint 
the ceiling.
[Based on a true story.]

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: Since they rarely change anything without first appointing a study committee,  
it can take anywhere from between six (6) to twelve (12) politicians to change a 
lightbulb.

Q:  How many Dell Tech Support people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring 
Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring 
ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring 
Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring 
ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring  Ring-ring  ring-ring.....

Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light 
bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.... There never *was* any light bulb, don't you remember?

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turns itself in.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation 
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with 
the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it 
a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself 
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in 
a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of 
nothingness.

Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?


Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one 
else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even 
know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the 
dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it 
out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact 
that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But 
if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS 
LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on 
to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND 
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT 
BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT 
THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES 
OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE 
HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did 
you ask me?


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against 
spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three 
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad 
and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the 
drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or 
completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or 
tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring 
bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review 
church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?


Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs 
burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to 
make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light 
bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you 
call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed 
overnight.

Q: How many Management Information Services guys does it take to change 
a light bulb?
A: MIS (IT) has received your request concerning your hardware problem 
and has assigned you request number 359712. Please use this number for 
any future references to the light-bulb issue.


Q:  How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue 
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of 
the light socket


Q.      How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change 
a lightbulb.
A.      Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for "the 
paper", one to sell you "the paper" and another to follow you home and 
ask why you weren't at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next 
one and if you were still as committed.

Q.      How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.      I dunno - not my period.

Q.      How many revisionist historians does it take to change a 
lightbulb?
A.      In actual fact, against popular consensus, the lightbulb was 
never actually changed.

Q.      How many cultural historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.      I am less interested in the lightbulb than the discourses
surrounding the changing.

Q.      How many art historians does it take to change a lightbulb.
A.      11. One to change the lightbulb, and 5 to show earlier versions 
that influenced it, and 5 to say that the changing was actually done by 
the changers apprentice.

More: http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html