Uneasy Echoes: Why the Pattern?

People may wonder why I would offer up so much thought, time, and energy into even bothering to write about some crazy person from my past (nearly 20 years ago) popping up unexpectedly to harass me…

I’ve already said writing is my therapy. Its the way I process emotions and mull things over intellectually. So if something is bugging me–? I’m going to write about it.

(If you’re not sure what I’m getting at, its because recent events have been friends-filtered for good reason.)

Some of my readers may have feelings of impatience with me… bewilderment that, yet again, I have something stuck in my craw. And I get it. I do. I feel the same way sometimes when someone I care about gets stuck on a emotional spinning wheel. There are only so many times you can be exposed to the same narrative before hearing it yet again just makes you want to scream.

So I promise to take my thoughts in a new direction. I’m going to examine things from a different point of view, because the old way of viewing things is obviously not working. Not because I’m still dealing with trying to avoid being betrayed– I haven’t had an issue of this nature since first finishing up old business after returning to Oregon. Which was 5 years ago. Since then, I’ve interacted with many people and no problems whatsoever. Lots of new friends. Many new friendly acquaintances, contacts, former co-workers, neighbors, and even some peace within my family, both blood and in-law. Comparatively little drama, except for what has happened to others I know or around me. Very little TO me. One store with dicks in charge was screwing everyone, not just me, so I don’t think that counts.

*thinks about it*

I will freely admit I can be colorful in describing ordinary ups and downs in life, but all in all, I’m hardly reeling from crisis to crisis here.  =^)

Therefore, re-hashing my bitches along the lines of “WHY GODS WHY!?!?!” won’t be where I take my examination. Rather, I would like to look at things a new way because I’d like to not only react after the fact differently (really– how can any human behavior be surprising to me anymore?) but because I’d like to see it coming better.

My detractors and critics (many of whom betrayers as well, please note!) are right to say that “it can’t be a coincidence that you keep running into this situation.” Of all the accusations that could be laid at my door, that’s the one that makes me say “OUCH!” the most.

Granted, this latest case of crazy is actually a very, very old grudge. And as astonished as I am to find anyone could hate me to this extent, it is obviously more than possible.

Which means I need to know how to see it early, deal with it the reality of it, and dismiss it from my life without further angst.

…. More soon.