An Honest Explanation And A Renunciation

In regard to my last several posts an explanation is in order.  But before I get to that I want to explain to my readers that since I could remember I have been under assault by something I have had extreme difficulty expressing. These experiences have never been subtle where I have had to question their veracity.  These experiences have been blatant intrusions of an order that I have not seen anywhere else but in fiction.  This ”presence” has mystified me and attempted to deceive me more times than I can count.  Unlike the majority of people that come under this spell, I have yet to surrender myself to it or accept at face value what is presented to me.  To some extent I feel as though I am being stalked and lured. 

These attacks have sometimes been minor and other times quite extreme.  While these events have almost solely been directed at me, there have been times when my children have been affected although this has been very rare.  Recently, my daughter awoke in the evening screaming and very lucidly telling me that a yellowish-pale man with long fingernails had come out of the wall in her room.  This person emanated something fierce and ominous to the point she has yet to return to her room.  When I went into her room, I did not see it, but I clearly smelled its presence.  Having many years of communications with these entities going back to my childhood, I know how they smell and am able to “feel” their personality often by the emotional climate in a room or area.  This is unmistakable.  While I believe these entities are just about everywhere, I do not believe that all people have the ability to smell them, see them, or even interact with them.  People that don’t have strong intuitive or subtle senses tend to have tamer experiences with these beings often to the point where their memories of such interactions are spotty at best.  In some cases, they may suspect things have happened, but they aren’t certain about it.

In late 2009 before I began my Luminosity blog,  I read an article on black eyed kids that sounded very similar to some of my experiences.  This lead me to Jason Offutt. When I presented him and his readers with my story the response shook me a bit.  People became very interested and so did I.  Almost by pure chance, and within a week or two of starting Luminosity, I came across two bloggers one blog was about Bigfoot run by a man named DB and the other was Mike Clelland’s blog, Hidden Experience.  Both of them gave me a chance by promoting my narrative.  I went from getting 20 hits a day to nearly 300.  On some of my biggest days I got upwards of 1500 hits when I was covered by the Daily Grail, which thankfully never covered any of my posts after I shut down Luminosity the first time.  Needless to say, the schizophrenic attitude I have shown over the last two years revealed the very real battle taking place within me.  At times this battle had become very dark and I very hopeless.  I still consider DB and Mike C. friends, but we are on vastly different paths that are irreconcilable.  Furthermore, they have no connection to me or what I am going to be writing from this point forward. 

Recently, as I have shown above, bad things were starting to happen.  It started out slowly, but began to increase.  I was once again experiencing strange activity in the house and so was my brother a few miles away.  This included dark figures moving throughout the house, strange noises, screams, quick glimpses of faces hovering in the air and other phenomenon.  I posted a video on youtube of two white cylinders flying over my house from August and was knee deep in putting together a documentary of a 1984 event where I experienced what I believe was a mass abduction event on the Southside of Milwaukee.  I felt a strong sense of mission in putting this documentary together and invested a decent amount of time and money into it.  Then my first interviewee went crazy.  She called me screaming that her daughter was having nightmares and that people were ringing her doorbell in the middle of the night.  She was too afraid to answer because she knew that something was there that she didn’t want to see.  In 1982 my mother had the same recurring experience and it haunted her her entire life.  As my Luminosity readers are aware, this doorbell ringing in the middle of the night thing was a fairly common phenomenon in my experiences.  Furthermore, readers had written to tell me that they had also experienced it after reading my blog.  It was one of the main reasons I ended Luminosity on several occasions.  I promised my interviewee that I would destroy the footage and she told me to never contact her again.

Shortly before my Whitley Strieber post things got tense for me personally.  That post was already swimming in my mind for weeks after listening to loads of interviews and taking notes, but the activity taking place was making it very difficult for me to concentrate and put a coherent piece together. The night I began putting that post together, I went out into my yard only to see a bunch of coyotes in my field standing around looking in my direction.  While I saw them, it was very hard to make out exactly what I was looking at.  My mind communicated “coyotes”, but I cannot be certain what I was looking at.  The next morning my neighbor claims that a wolf had been howling that night.  While I didn’t hear a wolf (which would be highly unlikely where I live) I most definitely knew about the coyotes.  But it wasn’t just the coyotes that bothered me.  The low pitch hum that was practically vibrating the house troubled me also.  When I went outside to try to hear it better there was nothing, but when I put my ear up to any wall in the house, it was present to the point it was vibrating every spot in the house.  I hadn’t been bothered when I was off doing the devil’s business in many of these posts, but when I finally decided to speak out against a snake, I experienced strange opposition.  The phenomenon picked up exponentially because of a decision I had recently made, a decision that was no longer conducive to my relationship with “them” and the path this blog and my video project were going.

Since Luminosity began I have been enduring a gradual compromising of my better sense.  For some outrageously stupid reason even when I realized what was taking place,  I kept coming back for more because there was a certain thrill to it.  In one of my recent posts I explained that the more negative experiences were becoming more rare.  This was a knowing deception on my part indicating that not everything I’ve written here is accurate. Again, this was a blatant act of deception on my part because when I wrote that bad things had already started happening and I was immersed in a personal struggle related to recent activities.  When you’ve played with these demons as long as I have, and when you’ve trafficked with serious people involved in this type of thing, these intrusions become more difficult to stop.  They have the tendency to change you for the worse if you are not careful.  I will state here emphatically that I have been in the presence of people that I believe were fully possessed by these entities.  Even to the point where I had sincerely wondered if I was in the presence of human beings, psychopaths, or some type of strange hybrid. These people showed me things that I could hardly believe, things that I do not believe any normal human being could accomplish without some type of praeter-human assistance. I believe also, at least to some limited extent, that I have been possessed by them and the goal was for a complete takeover of my person.

I wanted to believe in the happy messages about what exists beyond this world.  I wanted to find peace in the idea of the pleasant NDE, the Celestial domain, and many other ideas I covered here.  Yet something was nagging at me considerably, mainly a sorrowful conscience.  Was I convincing myself of all of this by entering into altered states of consciousness?  Can a person devote themselves to a truth on such flimsy evidence?  Even more, why am I being lead down this strange road when I have known since my early twenties that these subtle entities will always enter into our dreams, daydreams, and visionary experiences?  Dare I say it that all of these things I have convinced myself of are a strange and clever fiction meant to undermine me for some nefarious reason?  The honest answer, finally is yes.

Most of what I have presented over a period of over two years is a potent deception, not only experiences themselves, but rather the metaphysical message of ascending without actually knowing God.  Had it not been for certain people that have showed me the depth of my error, I never would have uncovered this on my own. I was too far gone to see it.  So while much of what I say may make sense to people, it is not exactly as it seems.  Instead of practicing what I preached and understanding that these subtle influences gain an upper hand over an individual through ideas, I fell squarely into the trap.  You will not find a single contactee, abductee, or other experiencer that is not in some way compromised by a new age idea that he or she accepts as fact.  Much of what I wrote could easily be construed as new ageism in a more intellectual package.

This whole area of research (into the encounter phenomenon) is composed of intelligences that seek to mystify us.  By mystifying us they are able to deliver messages of peace and prosperity, they are able to make us believe that they are good and decent and have our best interest in mind.  Or alternately they attempt to reveal themselves as tricksters who are somehow promoting human evolution and progress.  That’s one that people in the UFO/New Age have been repackaging for decades.  But is there any evidence for this?  Hardly.  What we do have are generations worth of data of entities that are non-sensical.  Entities that bestow non-sensical spiritual experiences, barely coherent physical experiences, and NDEs.  The manner in which they destroy us is always on a case by case basis.  Their schemes are custom made to the individual.  I have sat in front of my monitor for over two years in the company of something dark, something that has many disguises including those that appeal to us in diverse ways.  I opened these doors long ago when I was younger.  Some of it I inherited and some of it I have brought upon myself. 

These doors are never easy to close once they have been opened.  A few days ago I took this post off and reverted it to draft so people couldn’t read it.  At the time I didn’t know why I removed the post, but I had a strong inclination to do so. I reposted it this evening after I realized why I was inclined to cover it up.  I did this because it didn’t mesh well with my most recent post on Montauk, which you can find here.  I can’t remember if I removed it before or after my most recent Montauk post.  I unknowingly cancelled the earlier post about Montauk because it spoke about Christianity and a form of Luciferianism and essentially painted Montauk as another part of the deception.  While I indeed talk about evil things and the “Ape of God” in the recent post about Montauk, it is done in a very cheap way. I am not naming that raging beast nor am I naming God and that is clearly a cowardly act on my part.

There is much more to my immediate and profound change of heart. That is my own renunciation of the knowledge I have gained over many years of study particularly as it relates to metaphysics. While I wholly accept Angelic hierarchies and the Great Chain of Being, as the structure of Heaven and earth, I do not believe these are even necessary to concentrate on and are wholly secondary issues.  I believe that the only way a human being is purified is by complete and total surrender of their self-will and hostility to God. And as confusing as it may sound, this ability is given solely as a gift from God.  It is not something a human being can simply decide to do of their own efforts.  It boils down strictly to grace.  It is the only way a person can truly expel their demons.  While I will leave my old posts up and continue writing here frequently, I will add commentary to what my old posts ultimately represent.  While I do not disagree with everything written in them, I think that a caveat is in order.  They do not represent a full and accurate telling of the truth metaphysically or “spiritually” speaking.  I have left out more than I should have. 

I have very recently become a Catechumen with the long-term goal of becoming a cleric in an Eastern Orthdox Church.  This was the calling of my youth before I had been broadsided by my own seething hatred and inward discontent.  This was not anyone elses fault but my own.  My convocation with these intelligences is finished forever.  Not only for my own sake, but more importantly for the sake of my family. 

I have no personal need to further mystify them or to tell people how wonderful other realities are when most people cannot manage to handle the reality they are already living in.  Furthermore, the things I write here and the manner in which I write them are no longer conducive to the path that has been chosen for me by God.  When you see your child in a fit of terror and realize that you are responsible for it, there is no question of who your enemies are.  It is by God’s grace alone that throughout my studies I have kept a line of inquiry alive.  This inquiry had to do mostly with the fallen nature of this world and the course it took through history.

Without getting too far into this in a post dedicated to a personal renunciation, my article on Sargon of Akkad (Sarru Kinu), who was actually the biblical Cain, was an attempt to reveal that in the ancient world there was a Priestly line that remained true to the one God, and then there was the separate line that wholly perverted human existence by not only becoming polytheistic city-dwellers (abandoning that Arcadian simplicity of farming and shepherding), but also becoming degenerate in regard to religious practice and belief.  The religious myths of Sumer/Babylonia have been the archetype from which all other mythologies have descended.  But it goes much deeper than that, however.  The reality is that a people do not go from absurd creation narratives and religious beliefs like those in Sumer to the highly refined monotheism of the Ancient Hebrews.  The promotion of confusion and discord was the intent. In other words there is absolutely no reason why monotheism wouldn’t come first in the ancient world being far more simple than the absolutely ridiculous polytheistic mythologies and creation narratives.  The only answer is that from the beginning there was a plot to confuse and steer people away from the truth. The mythologies that arose in Sumer are clearly a degeneration of a primordial monotheism that existed before the birth of cities.

A couple years ago on a forum one writer referred to me as “Jesus loving Mitchell” when I made the comment for the first time that what I was dealing with was demonic.  This same writer believed that when all was said and done that I was going to come out on the side of Christendom.  My only regret is that I didn’t “come out” two years earlier.  It would have saved me a lot of stress and perhaps given me more years to live.  That is one of the most terrible effects of living this way, lives are cut short. Karla Turner is only one of many examples of this fact.  My being a “Jesus lover” is indeed true.  Even though I grew up in a household that gave me no choice in what I could believe, I believed because I didn’t experience God as a harsh master, but as a benevolent and merciful God who allowed me to travel a very dark path in order to realize that there is nothing there worth living for.  The harshness of my childhood did not dissuade me from Christianity nor did it leave me with the same feelings of hostility toward it that so many other writers seem to have. 

Many years ago my wife happened upon me in a very pathetic state.  I was sitting in a darkened room sobbing.  I wasn’t expecting her home so early and my being in that state was not something that was normal for me.  I don’t think that in all of our years together she had ever seen me cry. But before she got home something had happened to me. When she walked in on me I put my hand up and tearfully told her not to look at me.  It wasn’t that I had experienced some abstract celestial reality.  For several moments I felt the presence of God in the person of Christ.  While I was in a completely lucid and normal conscious state, this experience filled me with extreme joy to the point that I could not contain myself. Nothing else in the world mattered to me at that moment.  I have experienced many strange and profound inner events throughout my life.  I always questioned their validity and their ultimate meaning.  But that evening there were no questions.  I knew what had occurred within me and what it meant.  The problem was that I didn’t answer the call I was given at that time.  I failed terribly and once that event faded out of my memory I went back to my old ways not realizing the toll it would eventually exact on me.

From this point forward I have to be honest and tell you that if I use the word “Tradition” it will solely mean Christianity.  Secondly, there is no other tradition anymore as far as I am concerned.  Anything less will invite disaster.  I know how the ruse ultimately works.  ”They” will eventually grab hold of you and mystify you.  They will give you all types of beautiful ideas and images to believe in and ponder over.  They may even give you spiritual experiences that move you to believe that everything you believed in and the traditions you were raised in were a lie.  Do not be deceived.  The ruse is as ancient as the hills and in the end it profits one greatly to have discernment.