Journeys At Twilight

When I was a teenager, and perhaps younger, I began to have dreams that truly came off as “more than dreams.”  From the beginning I was aware that whatever these were, they were very much related to the overall strangeness that seemed to haunt me from the time I could remember.

When I first saw a picture of Montauk Tower early  last year, it blew me away.  Even though I had seen it during these “more than dream” experiences, I didn’t know the building actually existed.  When I discovered it, I felt like Roy Neary in Close Encounters Of The Third Kind when he discovers that Devil’s Tower, an image he is obsessing over in his daily life, is real after seeing it on TV. It wasn’t that the building physically had any deep importance, it simply revealed that my own inner topography was real and that there were indeed places in the physical domain that seemed to be a truer representation of the other landscape the exists within us and represents a far more pure state of existence.

I am more certain than ever that uncovering this “other world” within myself was the sole focus of all of my experiences from the dark ones to the most positive ones.  I admit even now that finding this other world was the most monumental discovery of my inner life.  To simply be able to close my eyes and see it there has changed me significantly.  While I still do not understand the extent of this enigma or all of its implications, I can certainly tell you that it is as real as the physical domain.  I do not create it with my imagination because finding it comes entirely without any effort on my part.  Forcing it to appear only causes it to flee.  It is simply there when I turn off the physical world while I sleep or even relax for several moments.  It is populated by people, normal and strange, that have their own individual existence.  The only thing I can truly say about that place (and there really is no such thing as “where” or even “inside and outside” there) is that it is deathless which puts it right on par with the idea of the Pure Lands minus the reincarnational nonsense prone to that tradition.  A place where the thought of death is no longer a concern.

I do not paint my early experiences on my old blog Luminosity as wholesome.  They were downright terrifying.  But as terrifying as they were, they seemed to propel me to a large extent into this other world in that they forced me almost against my will to deal with things that seemed to be blocking my path to this other deathless world.  I do wonder if perhaps many of these dark experiences were a kind of “karmic” debt playing out so that they could be revealed for me to deal with.  It is far too early for me to jump to the conclusion that the encounter experience has that goal in mind; to push people toward a better state.  I can’t say that because I have personally witnessed people destroyed by these things, but I do wonder if this inward destruction or stagnation came only because they stopped at a point where they would be picked up by the whirlwind thereby making their own journey incomplete.  That is all speculation of course and I put no stock into it whatsoever.

I love the physical domain.  I love my family, my children, my friends, and even those that read this blog.  There is something about this process that has kept me coming back here time and again even when I had a single-minded devotion to stop writing here altogether.  Since March 2010 I have left and returned more times than I can count–when I disappear I have heard some of my readers tell other people “don’t worry, he does this every once in a while, he will be back”.  I’ve always found that somewhat amusing because it’s true.  There had been times I would say to myself, “yeah, don’t count on it.”  But here I am, sometimes happy, sometimes pissed off–often times frustrated.  Even now if the truth be told, I remain deeply conflicted about my experiences.

Now as much as I love the physical domain, I also understand that it is temporary.  This world is NOT all there is.  Because of all of the traumatic encounters I have endured, there has been a certainty that I cannot shake that tells me that this “other world” within us (and again “within” is truly an arbitrary term) is the place we came from and the place we return to.  I have very close friends there that I feel I have known for eternity, and that may indeed be the case.  Time and again I come to myself with this crazy realization that I am missing a huge part of myself-and this missing part of myself has the rest of the story, where I came from and why I’m here.  This other part is playing a joke on me, but continues to give me clues that I must at all cost follow.

From the human perspective today this world truly doesn’t exist, because in order to exist by modern standards a thing must be capable of being measured.  It isn’t.  I have tried and tried and it simply will not happen.  Therefore, to convince the modern man and woman of the veracity of such a world is nearly impossible.  Death has the last laugh, however, and I am quite sure many people will be offended when that day arrives.

In this other world I have seen things that not even the human imagination is capable of, certainly these things are far beyond the capability of my own imagination.  When my Soul loses touch with the physical, I am shuttled there and witness things that are unspeakable, familiar, and incredibly meaningful.  To me this “place” is the completion of the encounter phenomenon.  It is a place where no opinions exist, where men and women and beings of pure intensity exist in the natural divine state emanating the glory of God.  As angry as I may sound in some of these posts, they present a picture that is somewhat unfair.  Because I have limitations imposed upon me, I am forced to have opinions.  That is simply how the world works.  Most of the time, because of my background, they will not resonate with your opinions.  So believe me when I say that as a father of four children, hearing about the slaughter of defenseless children is devastating to me.  Such nightmares can only take place in a world that is painfully lost.