Reflections of a "Socially Awkward Person"
“These people have what I’ve wanted for so long, and this is how they spend their lives? On this junk?” I thought.
Some time afterward I laid down and thought about what it was that I really wanted. What was it I was really after? Was it just friends? Did I just want to have people to regularly hang out with and entertain ourselves? Was it romance?
I pondered on all of this, when it began to hit me:
I wanted to be loved.
I wanted someone that actually cared about me, about who I am as a person. A love that was not based on sexual male and female relationships. A love that did not flatter me with lies that made me out to be more than I am, but let me know that I was held in high esteem in their hearts.
But I ran into a problem: Was I actually worthy of such a love?
I had very little social ability and was not considered enjoyable company by most. Who would honestly consider me worthy of such love and affection?
It was not long ago that I came upon your website the words that summed it all up: Love is self sacrifice; we love those who love us.
When we can honestly say that we expect nothing in return from someone and would give ourselves up for them, and they can say the same for us, then we can truly say we love each other. But do any of us exhibit such a love?
Before God, who is holy and blameless and in which no darkness can be found, all of us are worthy of death.
I hated that others didn’t enjoy themselves around me, but I knew that there were others I avoided as well. I hated my lack of success in romance, but I knew there were women I would refused to even give a chance. I hated when I felt people looked down on me, but I knew that I myself looked down on others. I was a hypocrite and I knew it, but aren’t we all guilty of hypocrisy?
Love is self sacrifice; we love those who love us. May your love for each other grow and you focus on the eternal.
2013-01-02 08:33:46
Source: http://www.henrymakow.com/reflections-socially-awkward-person.html
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