Triumph Despite Sociopaths & Minions, Pt. 2 of 3

A couple more thoughts about yesterday’s tips for getting ahead of the bad guys, especially points #3 and #5…

I have had several discussions about revealing one’s talents and passions (especially non-religious and non-political) with several people, and found many who greatly hesitate to share with others. Some have admitted outright that they want to hide themselves from those who might feel inclined to attack them for even daring to stick their neck out enough to show they like something, let alone do something well! Its difficult to convey my deep sorrow for this state of things in society. I’m sure ours is not the only culture to sanction that we hide what makes us happy and, yeah, maybe a little special– but I’ll never be able to stand behind such an attitude.

But not because I don’t get it. Rather, because I spent most of my life hiding myself and what I love from the world and it was a miserable way to live. Being able to push yourself forward despite fear of the assholes of the world is, by contrast, highly satisfying. Do I “invite” abuse because of it? Sure. But I did when I hid as well, and– if anything, my very meekness was more of an invitation than any talent or treasure I could imagine.

From another side of things, when someone opens up to me about their own passions in life, they instantly become more “real” to me. I suspect that is why #3 is advised to begin with. When we know a person’s joyful, fully engaged side, we view them differently. They stop being a person in theory to us, and become more 3-dimensional. We can’t help but appreciate them more and see them as more precious. We may even share some of those passions. So it makes sense to reveal our strengths in this way to the outside world because when we become more REAL to others, it becomes far more difficult for a minion to be played against us. Most minions/apaths have limits– they’re aren’t sociopaths, after all! Making ourselves seem less “deserving” of whatever it is our tormentors have cooked up for us is a part of how we beat them.

So, please– don’t hide thinking you’ll protect yourself from abuse. Hiding is what makes abuse more possible. Grow it. Show it. And BLOW IT for the sociopaths who would otherwise have a much easier time painting a target on your ass! And to think that’s just a positive side-effect of simply doing part of what you were born here on this Earth to do! How sweet is that?!

As for #5– keeping an open mind and insisting on dealing with any truth you find… well, I think perhaps nothing inflames my passion against injustice more than dealing with someone who refuses to see what is plain before them simply because its too negative for them to deal with. I say this fully knowing it for the hypocritical statement it is because I’ve done it too!

But I’ve avoided and prevented terrible things when I’ve studied people and situations and faced what I found, regardless of the “ick factor.” I’ve been able to grant assistance and pursue justice only when I faced the truth. Being raised by a mother who did the “see no evil, hear no evil” thing really forced me to deal with the negative consequences of feel-good supposed “neutrality” early on. REAL neutrality means waiting for the facts before making a conclusion– it doesn’t mean neglecting to do anything about a critical problem that needs addressing!

Not only will this help us to defend ourselves directly from sociopaths after US, but it will allow us to become supporters of others who are being victimized and targeted by sociopaths. Truly a win-win strategy!

Moving along then on—-

A Good Person’s Guide To Living In A Bad Person’s World

6. Become “essential” & know your real currency.

Oh LOOK! We’re getting into the nitty gritty of politics now! And for those of us who aren’t big on political games-playing, these types of things are required learning, even when it feels faintly ridiculous. (Which it does to me. I despise social games.)

You know how a lot of us don’t like putting our necks out for fear of getting our heads chopped off? Well, bad news– this is once again advising directly against that turtle-like strategem!

Becoming essential means finding our place to fit, our role to fill, and then doing a great job at it so that others need us close by! If we know where we can excel at a job, a social group, in our family, etc., then learning where we can fit and then making the most of it benefits everyone. If we’re not so easily replaced, we’re not as tempting a general target because all those selfish apaths and minions are loathe to take any action which spells more work and headaches down the line for THEM!

Knowing our real currency likewise means understanding and utilizing our own special brand of talent or style that others value. This can be our sense of humor and ability to put others at their ease. It could be our eye for detail, spotting problems so they can be fixed early. Everyone has those areas where they excel. Once we know our own, we can put it to use in situations where attacking us hurts more than just us. Once again, thwarting the sociopaths and their potential minions becomes a happy side effect of just doing what we’d like to do anyway– our BEST.

Did you notice that, again, this is taking the bad guys’ playbook and turning it to use for good rather than evil? Two can play the game of “you need me.” Why should the jerks be the only ones to take advantage of this?

7. Create a passionate nucleus of supporters.

You know who’s hard to attack? People with fans. When others are likely to stand up for you whenever someone starts launching verbal grenades in your absence, personal campaigns are difficult to get rolling.

Machiavelli in his 52 Laws of Power had a rule along these lines. He said, in so many words, “People protect you better than walls.” Your best defense isn’t hiding and locking down, its coming out and opening up!

How to do this? I see this as a 2-part ongoing process: Firstly, you have to keep your eyes open for other empathic people– and start supporting THEM. Watch and listen and wait and you’ll see who the truly good people are. Find them and spend time with them, befriend them, and be there for them– and especially pay attention to make sure they are naturally inclined to reciprocate– not keep tabs on who owes who a favor! Fellow empaths will not take easy offense, will not have overly precious egos, will extend empathy and understanding, and seem willing to go out of their way for you and others.

Secondly, once you find these treasures? Keep them as friends and positive contacts for as long as you can– forever, if possible! In our super busy distracting world, its easy to let the non-trouble-makers get lost in all the chaos of day-to-day life. The squeaky wheels get the grease, while your most powerful potential supporters, causing little drama, get forgotten. Do NOT let this happen!! The older I get, the more I realize how precious and valuable good people in our lives really are! We can’t drop people due to distance, lack of excitement, or our own colorful personal lives! When the chips are down (and they WILL BE, inevitably, for everyone at one time or another) its your wonderful empathic friends who show up and help you make it through.

Chances are, a lot of good people out there are just as lonely, frustrated, and feeling taken advantage of as we are- so when they meet us and find that they aren’t alone in the world, they’re going to feel very passionate about protecting us and keeping us going. This is an amazing gift– the ability to love and become attached– that only WE possess. No sociopath in the world can garner this kind of support– and so we need to stop neglecting those like ourselves in this world. We used to watch one another’s backs in our history– and we’re going to have to get in the lifelong habit again if we’re even to have a future.

Mutual admiration and affection is the most powerful force in the world– never fail to appreciate that!

….oh, and we shouldn’t let pride stand in the way of our asking for help from our supporters either. That’s another mistake too many of us make.

8.  Master the system and figure out a way to make it work for you.

Every social group, every workplace, every organization, every family– have an established method for doing things. Knowing that system is key to making sure we have knowledge we can use to get ahead and/or prevent disaster.

And again we see a page from the assholes’ playbook! But its true that its easier to use what’s already in place to protect ourselves or get a crucial point across than it is to rebel against what’s likely to change only very slowly and painfully. The jerks of the world study up on the social systems of things in order to take advantage of it (which I can confirm from grim experience once more) and so should you.

The good news is, most organizations have policies for dealing with problems– they have to, because problems are common and have to be dealt with lest they bring an organization to its knees. And we shouldn’t just learn the overt rules, we need to study in depth the “unspoken” rules — they’re the ones liable to trip us up. For example, its generally not a good idea to go to the Human Resources department except as a last resort, because it tends to get you labeled a troublemaker and get you put on that invisible “first to go during a layoff” list!

Other things to study– who really calls the shots. Its not always the boss. Who helps who and when and why. What gets noticed and by whom. Once we begin to figure out the ins and outs of a group, we can insert ourselve into that system and become a part of it (see #6 above.)

Its true a lot of systems are unfair and set up that way– but if we don’t know how it works, by whom, and why, we’ll never make it better down the line (and we can often do more than we think at first.) Even if we see ourselves as subversive operatives we’ll need to know how the system works. Becoming a secret agent, if only in our own mind, is often essential to not being blindsided by others who have knowledge of loopholes and exceptions we never knew about.

9. Stretch your way to success– don’t be afraid to try new ideas and methods.

Once we know how the system works and how to get it to work for us, then we can push the envelope a bit to make improvements. In life, this is even more true as we establish ourselves and our reputations.

Too often, we get caught up in habits –in roles we take on without thinking and fail to fully evaluate and test. Keeping ourselves adaptive and dynamic is very important. It means we can’t just duck our heads down and pray for the storms to blow over though– in that lays the path of the apath! Don’t be sucked into the ennui and apathy most others fall prey to!

I’m not advocating we all go out and start a revolution. Rather, I’m stating that creativity (as threatening as it can be for many) is often our only way to “beat” an unfair system, whatever form it happens to be taking in our lives. If one strategy doesn’t work, perhaps another can. This is another reason why being fully awake, aware, alert, and engaged is so important. If we’re just going through the motions, we’re unlikely to have the impact its gonna take to best our next encounter with a sociopath!

Finally, don’t be afraid to reach for success to begin with. Again, too many make this mistake. Life is hard enough without out holding ourselves down and pretending abject mediocrity. Who does that serve besides our detractors, critics, and enemies? So why are we being so self-effacing again!?

Exactly!