Attractive Traits Worth Developing

I came across this list in my daily browsing, and I thought it was worth sharing and commenting upon, from this site:
www.bustle.com/articles/55228-12-ways-to-make-yourself-more-attractive-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-your-appearance-according

Basically, it was a thread started on Reddit for what sorts of things  people can do to make themselves more attractive regardless of how they look. So its about being good company, a pleasant partner, amiable co-worker, and so forth.
1. Cultivate decisiveness.

Obviously you should also remain open to and respectful of other suggestions, but knowing what you want can be really attractive. It’s a demonstrable way of displaying confidence, and therefore probably more useful than simply trying to “be confident” (whatever that means).

This is a HUGE one for me, and one that has caused recent contention between myself and a friend of mine. No one wants to waste their time beating around the bush just to make a simple decision. Think of some options, then decide on one and go for it!

I would add, if someone tries to explain to you that your lack of decisiveness is an issue, then pay attention and realize that you are making yourself more difficult to be around by supposedly making everything about compromise and consensus. That stuff doesn’t work well in the real world, and you are probably driving potential friends and mates away. Excuses and explanations aren’t going to make this any more easy for others to take.

2. Play to your strengths.

This. A thousand times this.

I agree that this is great advice. There is nothing more frustrating than watching someone struggle to emulate a trait that is awkward and unnatural for their characteristic style. But everyone’s good at something. Everyone has their social gift. Being a really good listener is an easy one– even if you aren’t comfortable speaking. Like– I’ve realized that if I give great eye contact and and nod and show my interest that I’m given more attention by more bold speakers, so when I’m not feeling comfortable socially, I’ll find someone else who is and just LISTEN.

3. Develop a neat skill or hobby.

I actually think the wording of this particular suggestion is a little less than helpful — “be THIS” doesn’t actively give you something to do (it’s just a state of existence) — but the idea itself is sound. Developing an interesting skill or hobby speaks well of you in a few ways: One, the skill or hobby itself gives you character; and two, the fact that you actually took the time to learn it shows that you’re a go-getter. Have you always wanted to learn an instrument? Take lessons or start teaching yourself. Wish you could pick locks? Get yourself a practice lock and a set of picks and hit YouTube for some tutorials. Want to be able to make at least one knock-your-socks-off awesome meal? Get thee to thy kitchen and learn to cook that meal. The sky’s the limit; all you have to do is make the time to learn. The best part? You don’t even have to do it for the purposes of reeling in the ladies or menfolk; do it just for yourself. You’ll thank yourself for it.

4. Focus on the other senses beyond sight.

Using smell as an example: Never underestimate the value of good personal hygiene.

Not just scents, but SOUNDS count. Paying attention to your voice, and learning to modulate one’s sharper tones and avoiding sounding overly nasal is important. I know this from sad experience as I used to speak a bit stridently sometimes and it took a while to realize I needed to smooth out how I sound at times.

5. Look. Listen. Pay attention.

Engage with the world, and with everyone in it. Another Redditor mentioned learning how to read people and adjust your behavior accordingly, which is sort of in a similar vein.

Its gone out of fashion to use the word “boor” to describe someone without this rudimentary courtesy, but I’d personally like to see this one brought back.

6. Learn. All the time. Always be learning.

As demonstrated here, reading is an excellent way to learn new things; it’s definitely not the only way, though, so go ahead and watch, listen, and do in order to learn, too. Exercise curiosity about everything; then go try to figure out the answers to all your questions.

CHECK!

7. Love yourself.

As cliché as it sounds, it’s true: You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

I believe this means learning to get a kick out of yourself, not necessarily thinking you’re “all that.” It means having compassion for yourself, and enjoying your own company. If you don’t like you, why do you expect other to?

8. Grow up.

What I think is most important about this suggestions is that it doesn’t mean “not having fun ever.” It means dealing with your responsibilities in an adult fashion and not A) complaining about it all the time or B) expecting everyone else to take care of your shit for you. The key point is that last sentence: “They can still be playful, and fun, and light-hearted and enjoy silly things, but still be a responsible and empathetic adult.” Ayyyyy-men.

YES!!! So much yes! Whining, acting immature yet demanding respect, complaining constantly, insisting on everyone else doing all the work in a friendship or relationship, just— yeah… all that. Annoying.

9. Don’t take yourself too seriously all the time.

Humans are funny, even when we screw up (or, especially when we screw up). Laugh at your own foibles. You’ll be able to deal with them better, which benefits both you and other people.

This can be tough for people who grew up in an overly critical home, but cultivating silliness and enjoying the ridiculousness of things can be very healing, as well as appealing to others.

10. Learn to express yourself clearly and succinctly.

In addition to ditching “filler” words from your vocabulary, also put some thought into your grammar and spelling (especially in written communication). Messages like “U so hottt!!!!” are the exact opposite of hot.

Agreed.

11. Take initiative.

Especially when it comes to yourself. We all have flaws; to err is to be human and all that. But if there’s something you wish you could change about yourself, don’t just wish it — go ahead and make the change yourself.

l know people who do exactly what the commenter above is complaining about, like they’re fishing for reassurance– but its horrible to be pushed to keep telling a person they’re not ugly, they’re not stupid, etc. Tiring, really. When its a person you’ve known and loved a long time, like a family member or long-time friend, its hard enough. But new people I meet who do this I tend to run away from to avoid being forced into tireless cheerleading.

The last one I skipped because the commentary on it wasn’t very good, but the tip was: ”Let it go.”

Definitely something I need to work on, as I’ve already written about extensively. I feel good that numbers 1 through 11 I think I’ve mastered. I’m getting better about releasing negativity. I have to process it first, but then I am learning to let things be finished– eventually. So those are all good things, seeing as how I will never be young and cute again the way I was once. And I’m honestly okay with that– life has more to offer once you’re out of the reproductive stage of “must attract mate.”