Five and the Baker's Dozen

It’s 11th April and George, Julian, Dick and Anne are working in their mother’s shop in leafy Hampstead.  Timmy the Dog is at home miserable, he is not allowed in the fancy-cake outlet due to health and safety legislation. It’s been a couple of months since their 11th February visit to Lamb Island and, as they faithfully promised one another, they have told no-one about the beastly satanic ritual they witnessed there. Inside, Anne still harbours slight fears that her mother is a satanist whilst Julian has spent many an hour hunched over Google, attempting to ascertain the truth of the matter.

The door opens, the bell rings, and in steps a grandmotherly type lady, well dressed, in her early sixties. A typical customer in this establishment. Dick goes to the counter, “Morning Madam, how may I help”. I’d like to order one of your glorious cakes” smiles the woman. “Certainly”, nods Dick, obligingly, “I’ll just get the details”. “I’d  like a devil cake , enough for thirteen, and I’d like it specially decorated. I won’t require it until 21st June”.

“May I have your name please”. “Of course, it’s Belinda MacKenzie”. “And the address please”. “I’ll just give you my work address, it’s 85 Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP”. “Fantastic” replies Dick, “enough for thirteen… and the decoration ?” . “Now” says the lady, slightly changing her tone of voice, “I am looking for an image of 12 animal-masked but naked humans, six of each gender, around the circumference, whilst in the centre could you put a naked goat/human hybrid”. Dick blushes slightly and stammers “certainly Madam, that would be fine”. Belinda leaves, whistling like a canary.

Dick is trembling as he returns to the back of the shop. “Guys, you wont believe this. I think it’s more Jungian synchronicity. A lady has just come in and ordered a cake with what appears to be satanic decoration”. Julian is suddenly interested and takes the laptop from George and Anne who are busy watching the Andy Murray Dunblane wedding mega-ritual, which is on the 25th anniversary of the demolition of the school “massacre” gymnasium and the anonymous letter to Lord Cullen alleging masonic involvement in the matter. He takes the order slip from Dick and begins Googling.

“Goodness Gracious !”, Julian nearly knocks his latte over. “This Belinda MacKenzie has some form. It appears she is well connected with MI5, bogus charities, and all sorts of malarkey. She was one of the baying mob that were standing outside our church calling the arriving congregation baby eaters and devil worshippers. Look, the address she has given is MI5′s headquarters”. He types some more then exclaims “I wonder if she is behind this: people are being asked to donate money to help the fight against satanic ritual abuse and in return they receive harrowing recordings of child abuse victims recite their torture. It’s possible too that she’s acquainted with Christine Anne Sands, she’s an alleged FBI agent who has also been prominent in the satanic scandal”.

“Let’s just cancel the order” Anne whispers, tearfully. “We can’t” says George. There’s that recent court case still hanging from 30/3 in Ireland, where the Christian proprietors of a Ashers bakery were taken to court for refusing to decorate a cake promoting same sex marriage. The challenge was brought by the Equality Commission who funded costs up to a maximum of £33,000.” “Gosh” says Anne, “£33,000; I wonder where they plucked that figure from”. (here)

Just then the door opens and the bell rings. It’s their Mother – Julian quickly closes the laptop. “Hello darlings” she beams, “how are things”. “It’s been quiet” relates Dick, “only two orders”. He hands the slips to her. She looks and then, secretly composing herself, states “Why don’t you all head home, it’s time for Timmy’s walk and you know how he likes his routine”. The four leave and Mother makes herself a large espresso and an even larger gin. She looks again at the slip. She did a bit digging back at the beginning and knows of Belinda, albeit she can only assume her motives for requiring a cake decorated in this manner for the longest, sun drenched, day of the year.

She gets up and turns on the T.V. The BBC are streaming Andy’s wedding live. Suddenly there’s a newsflash. Kate has given birth to a little sister for George; baby Alice. William will be pleased.

cheers Documenting the rise of the bogus Messiah