Finally Starting To Feel At Home Emotionally

In direct contrast to what I wrote yesterday, today I want to acknowledge that I am, in fact, starting– just starting!– to feel at home in my new digs at Ghost Lake house. Yeah, I feel homesick for short periods of time like I talked about, but that’s fading as I start to settle in here.

It helps that I spoke to Cat and Sharn and told them I need a LOT of alone time. It wasn’t a rejection of them, I just needed lots of time on my own to process and work on projects and learn to relax and feel like my space is mine. They understood and didn’t try to help me feel better by making plans to socialize with me quite so much. I mean, we still do things together, but I walk away and do a lot on my own.

And that really, really helped. I needed to just get all cozy and watch Netflix, or write for hours, or decorate for the holidays. I’ve been doing all of that more, and its helping me to feel like I have a sanctuary again. It took some months for sure, to reach this point, but now at long last I’m starting to feel like this is my real home.

I didn’t want to leave to visit anyone for a while. I didn’t want to spend too much time out of the house. I wanted to nest, you know? I wanted to bury myself a little and just not deal with outside stuff until my ability to feel okay with the inside stuff (at home, that is) was at least somewhat established.

Now I have everything set up to be convenient for me in my own space, and I have my area decorated for the holidays, and I am starting– just starting!– to feel okay again.

I really needed to feel semi-safe again!

It seems like lots of time alone helps the most. Like I just need to hibernate from the world for a while. I don’t want to be unfriendly or unsociable, but right now, nothing seems more healing than just having people around but not have to actually do much with anyone. I mean, we touch base every day and eat dinner together half the week and watch a movie together once a week and go shopping together most weeks, and that’s about all I want right now. Mostly I want to be– I need to be– alone. Not isolated, just given a little space both physically and socially to settle in and nest and find where my new boundaries are or something.

I feel really glad that I both asked for what I needed (once I realized what it was!) and then allowed myself to accept what was given with gratitude, and let myself heal.