Nightmare from Moving

I had a terrible dream during a nap I had in the midst of packing…

I was tired and sore and had to lay down, and soon I was dreaming…

that I was in the middle of another ‘packing party’. We had friends over, Cat and I, and we were joking and laughing and hanging out as we carefully packed things and moved them out of the house. I

Then I turned to Gerick to order him out…

… and woke up. I felt relieved it was a dream. And it wasn’t anger at the top of my heart once I was out of the dreamworld, it was a dark, quiet sadness welling up from deep inside me. I allowed myself a few tears.

My body and mind is rebelling at packing because the last time I did this, I was being kicked out of my own home! My pretty home that was clean and MINE. And I lost it all because Gerick wanted some fun and forgot I was a human being with worth of my own. Conveniently discarding me and stomping on my humanity, dismissing me and discarding me for selfish, petty reasons. He could have had his divorce without all the melodrama and pain. But he cared more for himself than for anyone else– including those boys. Selfish and awful as they were, he made them a target. He sacrificed them as much as they used him.

I still hate them all and wish them ill. But I’m more sad than angry now. It’s over and — it’s done. But my heart still hurts a little from it. Less and less all the time. They and my 25 years of life with Gerick matter less and less as I build a new life. But certain things still trigger those feelings. And I guess moving right now is one of them.

I guess I need to talk to my dream characters and tell them I’m not losing THIS house, Ghost Lake House, to Gerick. This is for other reasons. We’re going to somewhere even better this time. And then, gods willing, no more moving for a very long time!