Why Mitt Romney Is So Despicable!

Much is being said in the media about how Mitt Romney is not “likable”, about how he doesn’t “relate well” to everyday people.  A lot is being written about how his background makes it impossible for him to relate to middle class Americans.  After extensive, intensive, investigative research there is now a Top Ten List to explain Romney’s “unlike-ability.”

1. He is drop-dead, ad-campaign ready handsome, with a statesmanlike aura.  He looks like every central casting’s dream choice to be Commander-in-Chief.  After years of reality TV, America should know better than to trust good looking people who present themselves as competent and capable.  What would Snookie think?

2. He has been married to one woman throughout his entire adult life.  During that time he has remained faithful to her, including through her bouts with breast cancer and Multiple Sclerosis.  If only she had waited until her husband became a viable presidential candidate to be proud of her country the story would be complete.

3. There are no scandals or skeletons hidden in his closet.  Give George Soros, Media Matters, MoveOn.org, the DNC and the media time.  They will eventually invent a scandal about Romney not having a closet.

4. He does not speak in an obviously fake, southern “black preacher’s voice” when doing so is thought necessary to reach voters.  Perhaps after the election Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden will be available to give him pointers.

5. He is highly intelligent, having graduated cum laude from both Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School.  Oh, and his academic records are not sealed.  After he is elected he can seal his records by Executive Order on his first day in office.  Then will the media finally love him and hide, bury, or distract away from the story to protect him?

6. He does not smoke, does not drink alcohol, and has never done any drugs, not even during the 1960s counter-culture Age of Aquarius that was all the rage when he was in college.  If only he had dropped acid and rolled around in the mud at Woodstock having sex in public like a wild animal.

7. He represents America’s “yesteryear”, when people believed in God, went to Church, didn’t screw around on their wives, sacrificed, and worked hard to succeed.  Imagine what a media darling he could be, were he a latch key kid born to a single Welfare recipient mother who had been artificially inseminated, grew up on food stamps and as a teenager served time in prison for selling crack.  That would qualify him to be a cultural hero…or land him a hip-hop recording contract and MTV airtime.

8. He is a family man with five accomplished sons, none of whom have police records or needed to go to drug rehab.  Naturally, they were raised by a stay-at-home Mom.  How old fashioned.  Today that “choice” deserves America’s scorn.  If only Romney had set the right example the boys could have turned out more like Bernie Madoff or John Corzine.

9. Oh yes, he is Mormon.  Americans need to be especially fearful and contemptuous of a religion that teaches its members to live cleanly, be patriotic, to manage their lives in a fiscally conservative manner, to be charitable, self-reliant, and honest.  No wonder Mitt Romney never stood a chance at becoming a pop icon like Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain or Michael Jackson.

10. One more very important point.  Pundits keep repeating the mantra that because of his personal wealth, he simply cannot relate to average, ordinary Americans.  It must be because he made that money himself instead of marrying it, inheriting it from Dad, winning the lottery or cashing in on a frivolous lawsuit by suing a big corporate conglomerate.

Mitt Romney’s background, experience and trustworthiness demonstrate that he is a proven leader and a fine citizen who is qualified to become President of the United States.  America knows what his religion is, that he will not desecrate the flag, bow down to foreign powers, or redistribute taxpayer’s money to political cronies through fiscally irresponsible faux “stimulus” plans.

America will not like taking some of the steps necessary to recover from a mountain of debt, but someone with Romney’s extensive business education, experience and background knows how to do it.