The Problem With the President’s Face

The Face That Launched a Thousand Adjectives

            I’m in my car heading east on I-26 and I want to hear about the Obama-Romney debate. I missed it. Some of us have to get up at 5:30 in the morning. It’s time to begin the search across the radio dial and find some disembodied voices.

I had a plethora of choices; Sean Hannity, Rocky D, maybe even Colbertradio.  No that knucklehead Colbert isn’t even on the radio. I switch to Sirius and there was Fox, POTUS, HLN, and CNN.  No, they won’t do either.

            What I really want is Joseph Kurt. There’s a guy with an opinion. But it’s not Saturday and 94.3 doesn’t have him on.

            No, what I need is to hear what MSNBC has going. MSNBC…haven’t heard of them? It’s on Sirius at 117.  I can’t help it if you never heard of ‘em. They’ve been hiding out on cable. They use to carry Keith Olberman. KEITH OLBERMAN! He moved to Current TV. CURRENT TV! Oh, just forget it.

            Its 3:30 give or take 10 minutes and the MSNBC show is called The Cycle.  Apparently, the President had a bad night.  There’s one explanation after another as to why they thought this was so. One of the commentators had an epiphany. The President’s problem is his sad chin.

            I cannot tell you…I’m sorry. Give me a minute. Let me catch my breath (my ribs hurt)… the commentator’s name but he actually said this; twice. Well, this problem can be solved. I can imagine the preparations for the next debate;

David Axelrod: “C’mon on in Mr. President. I’ll get the cosmetologist. Hey! Miriam! Let’s go, the President is a busy man.”

President Obama: “Relax David, she works hard.”

Axelrod: “She needs to Barak. We’ve got 2 hours to broadast and your chin looks especially sad tonight.”

Miriam: “I’m so sorry Mr. President. Let’s get you ready.”

President Obama: “That’s alright, Miriam. Make me pretty.”

Axelrod: “The hell it is. Miriam, you don’t keep the President waiting. He keeps the country waiting. Ok, let’s go over foreign affairs again.”

President: “David, relax. Basically, I’ve got it.”

Axelrod: “Mr. President, you said that before the first debate. I think we should…Miriam, reduce the shadows around that sad chin…talk about the Middle East.”

President: “What do we say about Netanyahu?”

Axelrod: “Wait a minute, Mr. President. Miriam! The President’s petulant lips are chapped.  Let’s get some Vaseline on those pouting puppies. Ok Barry, just look into the camera and tell the nation that some of your best friends are Israelis.”

President: “Miriam, there’s too much salt mixed with my pepper hair. Touch it up a little, but not too much.”

Miriam: “Looking a little shaggy sir. I better give you a trim.”

Axelrod: “Ok, but don’t nip his questioning ears. Mr. President, do you know who the assistant to the minister of education is for Azerbaijan?”

Laughter erupts in the room.

President: “No, but I know who the ombudsman is for Ulaan Baator.”

More laughter breaks out.

Axelrod: “Thank goodness you’re a tree and not a Bush.”

Stony silence.

President: “Don’t even joke about that, David.”

Axelrod: “Sorry, sir. By the way, how did you get your limpid eyes so bloodshot?”

President: “Smoke. Miriam, got any eye drops?”

Miriam: “I’ll check my purse.”

Axelrod: “While you’re at it, Miriam, I’d like to emphasize the Presidents challenging eyebrows.”

President: “What were we just talking about?

Axelrod: “Foreign policy.”

President: “Oh, to hell with that. Miriam, powder my curious nose and let’s go have a smoke out back.”

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