Schumer's Plan to Abolish the Tea Party

The Democrats’ new much-vaunted master plan for annihilating the Tea Party movement calls for aggressive class warfare, demagoguery, and lying about the beliefs, motives, and goals of Tea Party supporters, Sen. Chuck Schumer revealed yesterday.

Echoing President Obama’s infamous “bitter clingers” remarks, the New York Democrat argued that Tea Party supporters are cartoonish figures who are easily ridiculed.

Invoking all the usual liberal cliches about conservatives, Schumer said the Tea Party is successor to “the Know-Nothings, Prohibitionists, Father Coughlin, and Huey Long.” In other words, he believes the movement is a collection of hicks, yahoos, neo-Luddites, fascists, male chauvinists, and racists fearful of what leftist academics might call The Other.

“Tea Party adherents see an America that’s not reflective of themselves, and the America they have known, and they just don’t like it.” They are bothered by changes in the “cultural, technological, and demographic makeup” of the nation. It angers them that “white Anglo-Saxon men are exclusively not running the country anymore.”

Schumer said his fellow Democrats in the U.S. Senate plan to subject the public to a massive, presumably very boring post-constitutional civics lesson from now until the congressional elections in November.

Democrats “must stop playing defense and go on offense when it comes to the need for government,” Schumer said as public support for ObamaCare hit a new record low. “We must state loudly and repeatedly we believe government is often a necessary force for good.”

As unemployment persists and the economy continues sputtering along, Democrats will focus on highlighting examples of popular government programs and show how “government can help the average family.”