Pelosi: ‘Waiting Longer in Emergency Rooms Will Allow You to Make New Friends!’’

And think of the time you will have to chat on the days you are waiting to sign up on Health.gov.

(The following is satire.)

Dear Fellow Americans,

Among the many fears people are expressing about the Affordable Care Act is the supposed extra hours it will force people to spend if they have the misfortune of having to go to hospital emergency rooms.

Critics claim that those enrolled in “Obamacare” (a term I personally dislike but have to use, or else the commoners out there won’t know what I’m speaking about) will be forced to sit even longer in hospital emergency care rooms due to doctors being forced out of the profession, thereby leaving emergency rooms understaffed, and so forcing people to overwhelm them with minor ailments, compounding insurance companies with tons of more red tape that will cause them to reject patients to regular doctors’ and specialists’ offices much more than ever. And don’t forget the people now forced or choosing to join Medicaid that should never be on it, which will clog up emergency rooms, as the E.R.s will become as common to them as visiting their pharmacies for a simple cold.

Naysayers claim the ACA will turn our nation’s emergency rooms into those similar to Europe’s, where people can sit all day in understaffed hospitals as they wait to get their feverish illnesses addressed, or their broken limbs fixed, their convulsions stopped, that knife removed from their skulls, or their fingers reattached.

I doubt such dire fears will ever come true here. But for argument’s sake let us presume I am wrong (which I never am) and that ”Obamacare” will force Americans to wait in emergency rooms longer than they already do. In that case, has it ever occurred to people the great new friends that can be made while waiting for hours in abject misery alongside others also in abject pain and misery?

Think about it, America: you’re wallowing in your local emergency room, vomiting your guts out from that tainted sushi you ate the night before, and next to you is some person crying over their left ankle that somehow got broken and now has their left foot facing backwards instead of frontwards –wouldn’t that be the perfect time to be like, “Hi, there, sir or ma’am! What’s your name? Want to be friends?”

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