Last Night’s Late Night Political Jokes

My Favorites in RED.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

• In his victory speech after the New Hampshire primary, Donald Trump claimed the unemployment rate might actually be as high as 42 percent. He might be right, because Hillary just fired her entire campaign staff.
• It’s been a rough week for Hillary, after Bernie Sanders won the New Hampshire primary by more than 20 points. Bernie said he’s always liked New Hampshire, especially cuz he was around when it was still Old Hampshire.
• Hillary Clinton recently said it’s a “low blow” for Bernie Sanders to criticize her for not being progressive enough. And if you want to know more about that story, do NOT Google “Clinton low blow.” Save yourself.
• After finishing second in New Hampshire’s Republican primary, John Kasich said he can handle attacks by Donald Trump saying, “I’m not gonna sit there and be a marshmallow and have somebody pound me.” Then Chris Christie was like, “Anyone else as turned on as I am?”

Conan

• Yesterday, Bernie Sanders was a guest on “The View.” There was an awkward moment where Bernie looked around and said “Where’s that MILF Barbara Walters?
• Ben Carson said he is open to being Donald Trump’s vice president. Yeah, it makes sense, Carson could deliver Trump the black Republican vote — which consists of Ben Carson.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

• Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders earlier tonight faced off in a debate on PBS, or as PBS calls it, “Antiques Roadshow.”
• Chris Christie announced yesterday that he’s dropping out of the presidential race. Christie said he’s not sure what he’ll do now, and then someone reminded him he’s still the governor of New Jersey.
• Bernie Sanders, yesterday, had breakfast in Harlem with the Reverend Al Sharpton. Interesting, usually when an old white guy goes out to Harlem, it’s because he fell asleep on the train.
• Jeb Bush today said he is the only candidate who has the you-know-whats to go up against Donald Trump. Oh, my god, Jeb. You can’t claim to have balls if you don’t even have the balls to say balls.