Reporting from an undisclosed location in the USSA…
Confession time: I believe happiness is hopelessly overrated.
I know. I know.
Sounds strange, right? What am I, neurotic?
After all, just yesterday I shared with you Dr. Axe’s How to be Happy guide, chock-full of 15 ways to live a happier, healthier existence.
While all of Dr. Axe’s tips were great, and I’ve incorporated many of them into my life with great results, to “find happiness” should not be the reason you take care of yourself.
For some, it’s a good entryway out of a funk. But it’s never going to be the end-all, be-all.
Point blank: The pursuit of happiness alone is not enough to make you happy.
In fact, paradoxically enough…
Happiness is what happens when you’re no longer striving to be happy. Happiness happens when you could live without it. Happiness is like a small child or a herd of feral cats. If you try to force happiness into your lap, it’ll simply run off. Or slice open your face.
And that’s OK. Because there’s something far more important to your life than happiness. And this is purpose.
Purpose is what gives your life meaning. When we have purpose in our lives — and when we, I daresay, live by a clear set of principles — we free ourselves from the existential shackles of trying to grasp this elusive state of happiness.
We ground ourselves in our own beings and live comfortably and content within our own truths. When we’re able to do this, when we find what’s true for us, when we find our own power and stop seeking power in things (and evil politicians) outside of ourselves, sticking to what we believe is true and right becomes far more important than feeling happy and comfortable every sliver of every moment of the day.
Purpose gives our lives meaning. And without meaning, the experiences we have, even the emotionally intense ones, turn flat, lifeless, and dull the very moment they pass us by.
“Those who are able to focus away from the pursuit of the snake oil which is happiness,” Graham Landi, a life coach, writes on his blog, “and instead realize the value and power of meaning are, ironically, those who appear to enjoy more of the happiness that we’re all looking for than we do. How is this possible?
“The answer,” Landi writes, “lies in a truth which feels unlikely but regularly proves itself to be wholly accurate. The more willing we are to relinquish something we value the more likely we are to experience more of it.”
Which, of course, brings us to the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson. (Who else?)
Yes, again, this might sound strange. After all, H.S.T. did end his own life with a shotgun. So there’s no doubt that he was, at least at the time, a most unhappy man.
But, on the same token, Thompson did something that, unfortunately, far too many people are afraid to do. He blazed his own trail, found his own purpose and lived the hell out of life.
Moreover, if you read his earlier stuff, you’ll find that even in his early twenties he was wise beyond his years.
“In April of 1958,” an article from the Tranquil Monkey blog reads, “a 22 year-old Hunter S. Thompson wrote a letter on the meaning of life when asked by a friend for advice. What makes his response all the more profound is the fact that at the time, the world had no idea that he would become one of the most important writers of the 20th century. Therefore his beliefs about purpose were hypothetical
— they were statements of faith.”
Today, for your reading pleasure, we present to you Hunter S. Thompson’s extraordinary letter on finding your purpose — and why, more than anything else, you should strive to be YOURSELF.
April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City
You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.
I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.
“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)
And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.
But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?
The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.
So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?
The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.
I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoevsky to Sartre.”
These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.
But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.
As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).
In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.
Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.
Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.
So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”
And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.
If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.
If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.
And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,
The post The Snake Oil of Happiness: Hunter S. Thompson’s Secret to Living With Purpose appeared first on Laissez Faire.