New Deadly Strain of HIV Infecting Virginia’s Political Junkies

New Strain of HIV

According to the CDC there is a new and even more deadly strain of the Hedlund Infatuation Virus (HIV) that is infecting various right wing political type people. This is a far more virulent strain than anything discovered to date in the wild.

What makes this HIV strain so dangerous is that it is spread by not only direct contact, but for what is believed to be the first time ever, this virus can infect people through Facebook. It does not need to be a direct chat, just a simple open post that anyone can read.

The symptoms can come on rapidly and most of the infected do not even know they have contracted HIV.

What to Look For:

This variation of HIV effects the brain rapidly and in such a profound way that the victim does not even realize they have been stricken. Friends and family are often the first to notice. Hedlund Infatuation Virus causes completely nonsensical babbling on Facebook in an obsessive and bizarre way. It often progresses rapidly to the vocal chords and lungs as the incoherent babble is often vocalized in a way often confused with Turrets Syndrome. Facial ticks develop and many describe the vocalizations as “diarrhea of the upper lip” as insane phrases are uttered non-stop.

There is no cure but temporary relief is often achieved by placing the victim in a tub full of ice. There is not usually a fever associated with this disease, but the infected see a reduction in symptoms if they chill.

This virus will live rent-free in an exposed person’s head and often is accompanied by paranoia and disillusions of grandeur.

If you see a friend that is obviously infected with Hedlund Infatuation Virus on Facebook, the best advice is to immediately block them to avoid becoming contaminated. And if you encounter a suspected HIV carrier in person, hold your ears, do not make eye contact and run as fast as you can to the nearest shelter.

And whatever you do, please do not laugh at the infected. There are numerous reports of their heads exploding. There is little brain matter expelled as HIV causes human brains to atrophy rapidly. But hair and blood spatter is a deep concern.

Facebook is working on a HIV filter which should cut down on the speed of transmission, but in person contact is still a concern.

And if you would like to help, a special account has been set up to support the orphans of Hedlund Infatuation Virus. Call 1-800-Iam-Sick.

Please spread the word, not the virus!