Say no, Moore

It’s time to cut Alabama Republican Senate nominee Roy Moore loose. I realize he was a better choice — from a purely political standpoint — than his primary challenger, Luther Strange. Strange is neither a villain nor a hero, but his ties to disgraced ex-Alabama Governor Bentley, in combination with his association with the career Beltway Republicans, tainted him. The good people of Alabama, not to mention America, deserve better than a partisan cutout who’s a walking avatar for the moldy, McCain/McConnell wing of the GOP.

Moore is clearly a better choice — purely from a political standpoint — than his Democrat challenger, Doug Jones. Jones is a man so devoid of charm that his own party didn’t know who he was until last Thursday. Where Strange lacked conservative charisma, Doug What’s-his-name lacks charisma of any kind. If the people of Alabama think they get short shrift from the “swamp-dwellers” now, just wait until they send this potted plant to D.C. Bringing in Jones for Moore will be like replacing your starting tailback with one of the band geeks. His only function would be to assist the minority party in continuing to keep the floodgates open to every Tom, Diego and Hakeem, whether homegrown or imported, intent on doing us harm… while simultaneously taking dead aim at our ability to defend ourselves in either word or deed.

Moore is a better choice — purely from a political standpoint — than the Democratic Party flacks, media blowholes and Hollywood buffoons racing to Alabama like botflies to a corpse. These people have cast aside generations of aiding and abetting enough harassment, misogyny, rape and even pedophilia to fill a weekend dance card at Democrat sugardaddy Jeff Epstein’s private island, all to rail against the “war on women” they claim is embodied by Moore’s candidacy. Please, people who have only just now discovered former President Bill Clinton might not be quite the Lancelot they pretended he was for a decades, tell me more about how outraged you are by Moore’s alleged indiscretions.  Better yet, don’t. Instead, use the time to change the passwords on your social media accounts; we’re starting to notice that the only Democrats who haven’t gotten handsy with the help are the ones who haven’t been caught yet. And I think I can speak for most of humanity when I request you spare us another Bob Menendez, Anthony Weiner or Harvey Weinstein; we’re having a hard enough time getting the kids to eat, as it is.

Moore is a better choice — purely from a political standpoint — than the rotting core of the Republican Party. At a time when the Democrats are literally imploding, the GOP is on the business end of an opportunity. By the time the Democrats have wrapped their heads around the idea that Hillary Clinton will only be president if she outlives the rest of the species, the GOP could transform into the lean, mean, fighting machine this country not only wants, but needs. There’s no room in there for dusty old skin sacks like Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and his ilk.

But being a member of the U.S. Senate ought to involve more than just purely political standpoints. Choosing party over principle is precisely what got us stuck in this swamp to begin with. Choosing party over principle is really choosing party over people. And there are better people than Roy Moore. Moore probably isn’t the pedophile the suddenly-puritanical left would like us to believe he is, but he is clearly a grade-A creep. Bad enough that he slithered around high school girls like a paunchy, middle-aged version of Wooderson from Dazed and Confused.  Moore has since tried to play off his underage skirt-chasing with qualified denials about the accusers, obvious distractions like yearbook handwriting analysis and a comparison to Joseph and the Virgin Mary which actually angered me a bit.

Sure, abandoning Moore will cost the GOP some goodwill with some of the electorate. They’ll have to endure a beating from the 39 percent or so who think Moore is up against the Democrat-media complex’s worst. And they’ll have to eat a Senate seat and the crowing from Democrats who think they’ve broken the electoral code. But What’s-his-name will likely be a one-termer, to be replaced by someone who doesn’t need a Hollywood push to get him over the goal line. Meanwhile, the GOP will be able to reclaim the moral high ground from an opposition party which has gleefully chosen to wallow in the mud, and conservatives will have a chance to marshal their forces for an Alabama-style beat down in 2020. No 14-year-olds allowed.

— Ben Crystal

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