Alexa! Write This Article For Me

Alexa Write This Article For Me. I have a new girlfriend. Alexa! For those if you who haven’t met Alexa, she is an Amazon creation that answers questions, turns on the TV, locks the doors, and does just about anything but walk the dog, and when the perfect AI dog comes along she’ll do that, too.

Recently Alexa brought her little sister, Dot, to hang around. Dot is the ultimate sister in law. She never sleeps, always at your elbow, listens to your every word, and tells big sister everything you think, do, and say.

Case in point. My grandkids were complaining about the lack of power cords for their drug of choice, the iPad. Now, for the record my grandsons are dumb as a box of rocks. They spend hours watching YouTube videos of someone ELSE playing video games. There’s these nerdy guys stalking each other and always some real cute chick who’s comPLETELY out of their league, or at least I HOPE she’s out of their league because if she’s not I’m going tranny.

Anyway, the kids were stomping around the basement moaning and groaning about the lack of the ability to charge their iPads. Next day two boxes of every cord you can imagine showed up on the porch, courtesy of Alexa, or her kid sister, Dot. Good part is the boys needed the cords, bad news is Alexa/Dot will order anything! If you’re telling someone the calamari tastes like pigs buttholes, you’ll get a case of microwaveable pig’s buttholes on your porch the next morning. Don’t laugh. That’s what they’re cooking up in sea food restaurants in San Diego. I saw it on TV.

Now, I’m all for innovation, ok? So I’m experimenting with this thing and began to notice several surprisingly female qualities. First off it listens to every you say, and at some point in time will turn your words against you. It’s emotionless, doesn’t know half the things it talks about, but it DOES have your credit card and will spend your money at the drop of a hat. I’ve got six ex-wives so I’m familiar with these qualities.

I scan YouTube for ideas. While digging up dirt on Alexa, and her slut-puppy sister I came across sex dolls. Not Barbie the blow up wonder but actual robots that fill the needs of frustrated necrophiliacs. I’m not gonna get down and dirty, but these contraptions do most anything. The only problem is they are having an issue getting human intelligent interaction. The manufacturers want to get one of these dolls to respond randomly like a real woman. Something mindless, vengeful, gossipy, that spends your money and puts all your business in the street. Solution? Put Alexa’s little sister, Dot, in the Doll’s head!

The new creation would be like any girl you picked up in a bar on Sixth Street in Austin. You could spend an hour discussing the origin of the universe, and if you’re using too many four syllable words the best response you’re going to get is a blue-eyed blank stare with the word, “Crazy!” You can say, “I love you,” and she’ll say, “Thanks! It’s good to be appreciated!” That’s a real answer folks, I just told Dot I loved her! Alexa, write this article for me. (No answer.) CRAZY!

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