Prostitution StoryTime

We all should embrace inclusiveness in our society. With the diverse nature of America the different cultures, languages, and sexualities must learn to live together in harmony. The recent news about Drag Queen Storytime is a good example of this. Showing children as young as three that there is nothing to fear from a man in a dress opens new worlds to them, and allows them to explore lifestyles previously denied them. In this spirit we must push forward to connect and support segments of our society that have been marginalized by that society.

I give you Prostitution StoryTime! Since the dawn of time the world’s oldest profession has been forced into the shadows while generating income and good will. Children have been told that these people were the very scum of the earth while “daddy” regularly employed them for the stress relief “mommy” could not deliver. This must end.

The Chief Administrator Of The Montrose Library, Ima Slut, told news services that when this idea was brought up it was received with open arms and she hasn’t heard of any negative oral since.

Prostitution Storytime will have two prostitutes come to the library on the last Saturday of the month. They will wear traditional garb, and have a liberal splash of “whore wash” to hand out to the kiddos attending. The little girls will be encouraged to wear the colorful clothing with net stockings should they wish. The event will begin with the reading of two books written by local celebrity prostitute, “Big MaMa” Washington, “I’m Just Too Slutty For School,” and “Do You Wanna See My Rosebuds?”

After that will be a nursery rhyme reading including the classic “Jack and Jill.”

Jack and Jill went up the hill
They each had a buck and a quarter,
When they came down
Jack lost his frown
And Jill had two bucks fifty

From there the children will be instructed about health concerns. With details such as personal hygiene and even a game called “Put The Condom On The Donkey.” All the while the children will be reminded that prostitution is but one way to make a living and that they live in the community and know, and respect the children’s families, especially their daddies.

The day will end with “Dance Time” with the two prostitutes dancing with the little boys. Showing the children everything from the “Twist” to “Twerking,” the prostitutes will share the rich history of the American club culture. Of course the little girls will not be left out. They will be taught how to employ a tried and tested device known well by many young men, while chanting the old Carlos Mencia classic:

If you don’t like to study
And school is not your goal
Then change your name to “Candy”
And learn to work a pole

by Bill The Butcher with a tip of the hat to Charlie Brown

The Butcher Shop

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