My high school English teacher was a lying stink of poopie pants

I got to thinking about high school today, and I remembered a random conversation my English school teacher had with with the class one day. She was one of those types who thought every poet and major writer in history was gay and how poems like “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost were classic examples of repressed homoeroticism. I mean, totally, it’s so obvious, amirite?

Really learned a lot in that class, I did.

Anyhoo, we got to talking about our high school years and she openly pondered how all of us were going to deal with the fact that high school would be the best years of our lives, and that after that there would be nothing left to look forward to.

I’m serious. She actually says this. Out loud. Wistfully. I really hope there had been no students who were prone to clinical depression listening to this, because I’d really hate to think about where they might be now.

So, let me get this straight. College won’t be better than high school? Graduating college won’t be better than high school? Getting married won’t be better than high school? Witnessing the birth of your child won’t be better than high school? Being able to travel, on your own dime, to exotic locations around the world and experiencing the wonders of this planet won’t be better than high school? Having the joy of owning an Apple iPhone won’t be better than high school? Having grandkids won’t be better than high school?

Yeah I could totally see it, the years in which I had no money, no driver’s license, no place to call my own, and where I got to go to homecoming dances (alone) and watch the captain of the football team Hank McDouchewagon get crowned homecoming king while he dances with the hottest girl in school. The same guy of course, who dunks my head in a toilet every Tuesdays and Thursdays after fifth period Spanish.

Yep, best years of my life. Oh God how I miss it.

The scary thing though is that some of my friends back then actually bought into it, even when they had absolutely no reason to. I had a real geekazoid of a mild friend who, even 2 years out of college, would not shut up about the glory days of high school. “Those were the best years of our lives man, and we’ll never get it back,” he told me once, right before he started crying. Like, actual real tears.

Um, no they weren’t.

http://www.habitationofjustice.com

Read more at The Habitation of Justice