Dark Day Pictures

I have been a mother for six and half years now. My existence before motherhood is blurry and vague, my adult years of carefree frolicking blend together with few defining events. Even since entering motherhood, I have thought of myself as so much more, a gardener, wanna be farmer, cook, baker, food lover, goat caretaker and cheese maker are a few at the top of my list and mother and wife have been intermingled among the rest of my passions. These days I feel like one word sums up my existence; mother. I know I should say wife is right in there as well, but as much as I like to think I am, and maybe I am; a loving, attentive wife, my husband is able to feed and care for himself, and he is often away doing his job, providing for our family. Whereas I am generally with the children every minute of every day from when they rise to when they fall asleep, and thus they direct the majority of my thoughts and actions.

So maybe you’ve noticed, my posts have been following my evolution as a mother. This past year I feel like I’ve evolved the most, realizing, (better late than never), that most of my interests will still be there when my children are grown. Not to say that much is changing, except for that feeling of desperation or urgency when it comes to planting, harvesting, preparing and creating. It has taken me a while to realize that preparing five course meals for company is not an o.k. goal to have when I have two little ones who would rather have my attention and don’t do well when I’m in the kitchen all day. This last year has been a year of letting go and easing up for me. And somewhere in there I’ve realized that I’m just now putting my children first in my life, whereas before I was putting the health of our animals or our desire to live as self sufficiently as possible above my role as a mother.

Our family is entering into a complete new world of opportunities. We have left the days of babies and toddlers far behind. I haven’t nursed a baby or washed diapers in two years. I’m enjoying uninterrupted nights of sleep more often than not. The kids are beginning to be a significant help when they wish to be. Tantrums are becoming rarer. It is an exciting time. I have been so busy trying to stay on top of the present that there has been little time for looking ahead. After several years of feeling always behind and struggling to just keep one step ahead of the kids, like have their next meal or snack prepped or planned, I’m finally having time to myself as well as time to get creative and seek out fun and adventure with the kids.

This past year we have joined a community of like minded parents and children, which has been so enriching, rewarding and inspiring. Our homesteading lifestyle keeps us in touch with our land and in harmony with the seasons. The Waldorf homeschooling community, inspires us to come together to celebrate this lifestyle. Celebrating year round and making each day special for our family by way of songs, stories, crafts, candles, special food and fellowship has been the missing thread from the tapestry that is our life. Here are some pictures from our dark days. I think they speak for themself.

And I should be tying all those thoughts together for a nice tidy ending, but I’m all out of coherent umph, and I’m distracted by an untouched knitting project sitting beside me and thoughts of a novel I’m hoping to squeeze in before bedtime. So goodnight and best wishes for your darkest days wherever you are.