OMG! Comedian Steven Wright

One of the funniest comedians ever is Steven Wright.

He is a master of the dead pan expression, the monotone voice, and thoughts that make you wonder what it’s like to be his brain.

There’s a collection of his one liners that float around cyberspace, docking every now and then in my Inbox.

I’ll give you a sample so you can laugh with me, and we’ll both feel better.

Hysterically Funny Steven Wright

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If you’re sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

We all know light travels faster than sound. Is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Why do banks charge you an “insufficient funds” fee on money they already know you don’t have?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress?

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

OMG! He’s Funny

I laughed so hard when I read the whole list in the email that I had to know if he had performances available.

He does indeed. The album cover above and the one shown at right is available in several formats from Amazon.

The one at right, I Still Have a Pony, is a reference to his CD shown at the top: I Have a Pony.

His Amazon Page doesn’t appear to be up to date. You can find more of his performance recordings by putting his name in Amazon’s search engine, category All.

Takeaway Truth

Just reading his witticisms gave me a great attitude adjustment. Guaranteed laughs. Get some today.