Rory is Magic!

  After his surprise endorsement from the Daily Telegraph, hopeful for the Tory leadership race, Rory Stewart, has had to defend himself from criticism that he isn’t actually a Tory at all.

Stewart’s personal manifesto, promising a Rainbow Unicorn alternative ecological-pure thought parliament. Free, class A drugs, for students and former army officers. And replacing voting with throat chanting for candidates has attracted rave support from hippies and freaks and weirdos.

Rory, the slightly oddball looking, barefoot, Himalayan wanderer, has been likened to France’s President Macron. Mostly by other Macron supporting globalists. 

But has also attracted some criticism from people who say he is not a true Tory.

“Look, I’m a real Tory, ” Rory told the media. “It’s just that some people, generally older, whiter, richer people, find the idea of a true patriotic Tory, being willing to bring down his own government and install Jeremy Corbyn in Downing Street, a bit difficult to come to terms with.”

Senior Tories have hinted that wet fish Rory is more of a Liberal Democrat than a Conservative. Mainly due to his stance on ecological and social issues and that he keeps saying “I’m a Liberal.” 
Some have even suggested that Rory’s surprisingly well funded leadership campaign, with a very credible, Facebook social media presence, is actually being run by Nick Clegg.

Rory responded by embarking on a flip-flop walking tour of the railway station car parks of England. Declaring “Look..Look at me..I can walk all by myself. There are no strings on me! Because I’m not that kind of puppet. I’m a totally different kind of puppet.”