Scientists: no link between MMR vaccination and higher risk of Toryism in children

(satire?)

A major study published in one of the world’s leading medical journals has concluded that there is no link between the MMR vaccination (measles, mumps and rubella) and a higher risk of Toryism in children.

The findings from the study of a cohort of around 95,000 children will not surprise most scientists, who for over 17 years have been trying to reassure worried parents that their children are not more likely to develop a Tory spectrum disorder after having the MMR jab.

The belief that MMR vaccinations are linked to a higher risk of Toryism – an incurable condition often characterised by severe shrinkage of the heart, uncontrollable knee-jerk reactions and a persistent need to urinate on anyone less fortunate than yourself at least 20 times a day – continues to cause many concerned parents to decide against having their children immunised.

However, the research team, led by Anjali Jain of the Lewin Group, Falls Church, Virginia, say that they found no association between the jab and Toryism, even among the highest-risk children – such as those whose parents suffer from life-long membership of the Conservative Party.

The news comes just days after medical experts confirmed that many Liberal Democrats are suffering from severe Electoral Dysfunction, caused by a fear of premature ejaculation from parliament as well as feelings of impotence caused by consistent loss of elections.

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