Tory election campaign ROCKED by revelations of Cameron’s secret love affair with himself

(satire?)

The Tory election campaign has been thrown into chaos with the stunning revelations that David Cameron has been having a secret long-term love affair with himself for the last 5 years.

For legal reasons, Pride’s Purge cannot disclose the identity of the serving UK prime minister that Mr Cameron is alleged to have been involved with – however we can reveal that when aides told Mr Cameron he’d been shagging himself for the last 2 years he was ‘stunned’, and, according to sources, ‘immediately realised the importance of the story’ to his reelection campaign.

As the shockwaves from the stunning revelations spread ever more widely, Mr Cameron and senior Tory campaign strategy aids are said to be discussing the possible fallout should details of his affair with himself become public just days before the country goes to the polls on Thursday.

Mr Cameron’s long-term partner, Nick Clegg, was said to be devastated by the news, and sources close to the Liberal Democrat leader privately say such a disclosure has ‘blown out of the water’ any attempt to rekindle the relationship between Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg which was already experiencing difficulties.

The news comes just days after doctors confirmed Mr Clegg has recently been suffering from severe electile dysfunction, with symptoms which include a consistent loss of elections, poor performance, political impotence and premature ejaculation from parliament.

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