Hutzler 571

I have to admit, I’m not the type to make a serious purchase without examining a product for myself. I mean, can I really trust the 3,183 people who reviewed the Hutzler before me? Most of them aren’t even Amazon Verified Purchasers–I may be stupid but I’m not crazy.

So, instead of purchasing sight unseen, I went down to the banana slicer store and asked to see the Hutzler. Obviously they don’t keep the 571 out in the aisles with all the others; you have to get the clerk to unlock the display case. And I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you they watched me like a hawk. I’m not the type to immediately cry racism–who hasn’t heard the stereotypes about white people and banana slicers–but must they really hold your driver’s license the whole time?

I agreed with the clerk that it was indeed a most beautiful slicer, and I could tell he was getting excited at the prospect of a commission. But I’m not the wilting type, and I told him the problem: brick-and-mortar banana slicer stores simply can’t match Amazon’s low prices. Sure, they had a good few decades of selling at MSRP, but let’s be honest, this is 2013! He came back with, “Okay, but where are you going to go when you need your banana slicer serviced?”

A fair point. I’m still on the fence.